Sunday, December 30, 2007

growing, growing... gone.

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Such sweetness in this little Penelope. She's just bursting with joy most of the time. In the last 3 days, despite our sickly household, I've noticed her range of expressions expanding and she has developed the famous vocabulary of an almost 6 month old. This consists of "lad lad lad", "blablabla", "dadadad" and the rare but oh-so-pleasant "mamama". She is completely excited by anything related to a spoon, making her first two sessions with rice cereal a huge success. For some reason I don't remember Ru and El being that enthusiastic about solid food - but maybe that's a third kid thing.

I see clearly now that this is the point in a mom's life where she looks at her baby and says, "where is my baby going?" I know there are tons of moments in your child's life where you do this, but I don't remember getting to appreciate it quite so much with twins at this stage. All I wanted to do was get them walking and talking. And now I would like for Penny to just slow it down and be a lump of kissable, squeezable heaven for a bit longer... but she has these tremendous big sisters around her doing all kinds of exciting things and she wants to play too. So much for keeping your kittens small and fluffy...

Grannies around the neighborhood swoon when they make Penny smile (which is not that hard, she smiles at creepy toothless drunks and coconuts at the market) and makes moms with two kids say, "Wow. We do think about having another one of these days." (Intoxicating baby vapors seeping from her pores!!)

Fuck it though. She's going to grow up. And there will be times when I'll ask myself, "how the hell did I get myself into this Mom business", or "where did my tiny baby go?"; and there will be times when I'll know that the process of helping my children grow into good people is the best thing I have to offer the world. I just wish it seemed like some of the great moments in my kids lives were happening in slow motion so I could fully appreciate every important detail... or that we could have brief rewinds to snuggle into the back of their tiny baby necks.

Or better yet, I would love to fast forward through cold and flu season.

Oh, HAPPY New Year...

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
This was taken on Christmas Eve day when everybody was feeling "okay".

Happy Pneu Year!!!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
There it is folks... the quintessential descriptive photo of Christmas '07! Ruby and Eloise sacked out in the stroller with pneumonia. From my perspective, this has been a rough time watching these little lovelies try to enjoy their holidays feeling like complete crap. They use the nebulizer for asthma and breathing difficulties every 4 hours, they are on antibiotics that aren't helping and they get horrible diarrhea as a side effect. The intense coughing makes them vomit and Myles and I also managed to get a 48 hour stomach virus in the middle of all of this.

Oh yes, and Penny has a cold. She's doing alright for now. We are really a fucking mess though.

Myles' dad made the trip down for Xmas dinner at my mom's house and got to witness Ru and El's intense desire for presents. Once we opened our goodies here, we then headed to Milton, where a large crowd of excellent family friends bestowed gifts on the "sickies"... but once the goodies stopped flowing, Eloise was hanging on my sleeve whining, "are there any more presents" over and over, like a meth addict looking for a fix! Presents are like crack-cocaine to a 3 year old. And the worst of it was that Eloise got to the point where she would unwrap a book and say, "that's not a good present!". HORRORS! What was I to do?

Actually, there was a fair amount of giggling about the girls' behavior - everybody was aware of their sad feverish demeanors and understood what was going on in the "manners" department. But honestly, I had forgotten that gifts could make kids into such monsters.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Rockefeller Center!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
All seven of us wandered down 5th Avenue after our dinner - my dad proudly pushing Penny in the stroller while Myles and I took turns carrying the big girls and pointing out the beautiful window displays. Upon arrival at the big tree, I noticed my dad's eyes all welled up with tears. He confesses that the whole experience just reminds him of coming to Rock Center with his parents, sneaking a peek through the crowds and bundling up together for warmth.

I must say, seeing your grandchildren experience these old family traditions has to have twice the cheese-factor impact. The fact that my DAD - of all people - was filled with sentimental warmth and coziness just makes me proud. Here's a guy who still thinks George Bush is doing an "okay" job... (I cannot believe I just admitted that to my blog readers, but if you know me well enough, you knew that anyway... sorry to disappoint those in the dark) and most of the time I like to write off my dad as being devoid of all human emotion. But there it is! Holiday traditions, family, "American" Christmas hoo-ha... it really pulls at a Republican's heartstrings.

So although I don't agree with his politics, I'm happy that I can occasionally relate to my dad's sentimentality. I remember that he has always kept my mind aware of how the "other side" feels (or doesn't feel!) and for that, I am grateful.

Ruby, Eloise and Penny, what will you teach me when I am old? You have already taught me that living in Manhattan with a family would be next to impossible... unless we won the lottery. What's next?

Finger Lickin' Good!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
BLT Steak. A phenomenal restaurant. I was so well fed and so buzzed by the end of my meal. Is it obnoxious that I took my 3 kids to such a swanky place? I felt like that twitty person that Sex and the City would make fun of... the annoying shit that ruins people's dining experience... except for the fact that my kids were angelic. Penny barely let out a peep! (For the record, she was changed on the bathroom floor of 3 very glam places - no changing tables to be had anywhere. The new Marc Jacobs collection store had such a delicious smelling bathroom that I decided to cart out the poopy diaper in my diaper bag, for fear of being a terrible space-contaminator).

My Parents Rock

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Without these two we wouldn't have made it through our weekend in NYC. First and foremost, Manhattan hotels are completely unaffordable, so we are most thankful for their gift of a place to stay, but we also needed their extra hands to assist us in getting from place to place, restaurant to restaurant, cab to cab. New York is just plain nutty. Decadent, rushed, beautiful, filthy, impeccable and surreal. The entire trip sent my head spinning - honestly. After jetting around to all kinds of sights and shops I would sit down for a minute and have difficulty focusing on objects and keeping the room still. (That's without a glass of wine people...)

At the end of the day it was lovely to have my dad torture my mother in a photo session with Ruby's new unicorn. She was so completely irritated by his antics. I love that shit.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

After Many Days of Hard Work...

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Eloise has mastered the letter "S"! In her elated state she managed to accentuate her work with a fine portrait of me with earrings. (Don't you like my hair?) Watching the girls work out their different skills has been incredible - every moment at school has made them even more curious about their world and their abilities. Ruby has been able to hold a pen correctly since she was 22 months old, and Eloise has struggled to do the same thing. Instead she would put up a fight and throw down her marker if we suggested that she hold it differently... so I backed off with my "suggestions", and she now seems happy to write and draw with the right grip and everything.

What an accomplishment though - reading and writing letters! It's the beginning of my childrens' literacy... an enormous and beautiful time when kids open the door to a new kind of creativity and self-expression.

Ooooh! I absolutely love spelling!! So much to look forward too in this school-age business...

Happy 35th to Myles

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
And a Happy Thanksgiving too... we had a great time in Brattleboro celebrating with turkey and my german chocolate cake. Before dinner Ruby and Eloise hiked up a small mountain for 3 hours with the rest of the gang while I stayed in the house with Penny and made icing. All in all it was a total success.

A ton of things have been going on over the last few weeks - many thoughts related to my 2 trips to Vermont and some serious time to think while on the road.

Is it a surprise to any of you that I just love to cook? If only there were more hours in the day to make perfect meals...

Too Many Candles?

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday

Cake Monsters

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday

Thursday, November 15, 2007

16 percent

My computer has 16 percent of its life left... let's see if I can blog about something before it farts out.

So many things have come up recently - wanting to be child-free for more than 2 hours would be the first thing that comes to mind... But this baby-nursing has an end, and realistically, I blink and a week has gone by AGAIN. Penny has become that delightful lumpkin that sits on my lap and will happily drool on a spoon, suck on a toy and make heart-melting smiles to all that encounter her roundness. She is no longer that newborn ball of sleepy fuzz. She is opinionated and thoughtful, meddling and curious. She does not like a bottle of pumped breast milk... she just likes the real deal. It has become impossible to remember my life before children. But that being said, I had a moment the other day where I swear I felt like I was at college... and then I remembered that the Brown students milling about me were just making a cloud of pheremones that made me feel like I was studying for mid-terms. Mid-terms! Oh my...

Please people. I drive a mini-van and sign permission slips for field trips now. Totally old lady.

Myles has gone to VT to take his last medical licensing exam... and I did my first night with all 3 kids for the first time in ages. Amazing. 2 baths, two books, two bedtimes... all before 6:45 pm. And here I am pouring some silly words down the blog-drain. Feels good actually... Oh wait, that's the wine and cheese.

Other thoughts: my cat is fat. I can fit in my skinny jeans again. My leg hair is so long that it rivals Myles' (I can't seem to find a minute to wax OR shave... I'd need a fucking package of razor blades to make a dent in it). I like making soup. 2 tablespoons of flaxseed powder boiled in 3 tablespoons of water is the equivalent of one egg white when you bake vegan things. I will most likely never ever be seen in a bikini again unless the plastic surgery fairy gives me a new stomach some day. MEN SUCK AT GETTING COLDS. I remember when there used to be frost on the ground in November and there was usually snow on the ground for Christmas.

and now my battery is dying. i should write like this more often. some good stuff for everyone... and maybe a good couple of photos after my weekend.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Carolyn and Kathleen

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
I've been dying to grab a photo of these two for ages - and I finally got my chance a few weekends ago. They are my inspiration for embracing the gray...

Twins and Twins

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
How cool is this?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Oh Yeah.

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
And Penny.


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
These big girls. They have grown up so much in the last two months - I barely recognize them as my babies. Nursery school has been so completely incredible for their minds, their talents, their energy and their blossoming personalities. They have gone from timid little munchkins to brave warrior women on the playground. They are compassionate and helpful big sisters to Penny. They are full of imagination and creativity. They eat most meals that I put in front of them and clean the plate. The world has so many questions that need very specific answers... and we ask and answer the same questions constantly.

"Mom, why can't we talk about poop when we're at school?"
"Why do we have to ask if we want to hug someone?"
"Why doesn't RaRa eat meat?"
"Why can't we say we hate something?"

Well, this is a photo of a special day at their school fair where I asked them to make really serious faces. Eloise is not so convincing, but Ruby's furrowed brow channels Mollie remarkably.


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
My dad can still squat as well as the girls and I . It cracks my mom up - we can all put our heels on the ground "like a Vietnamese person!" she says. Every time. I love it. Then I follow with a comment about, "those Orientals!"

In a sense this photo has a family inside joke imbedded in it. I hope you think it's as hysterical as I do.

Pumpkin Inspector

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Ruby checking for bruises, brown spots and symmetry.

Cheesy Photo Alert!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Hey. I never thought I'd be posting a photo taken by Myles that would be worthy of this blog. Aren't I an ass? How dare I doubt my husband's creative talents! This photo was taken during our long weekend in Nantucket when we took a trip to the farm to get pumpkins. That's right - our pumpkins this year were grown on Nantucket - not a farm in VT or Rhody. It feels kind of weird actually... the pumpkins took the ferry.

I'll just post some pics here on the blog, but you should all check out the flickr site for some beautiful shots of our beautiful life. There's something about fall that makes me feel like I've harvested new meaning to my family. Is it the advent of the holiday season and my obsessive nostalgia?

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Penny's Serious Face

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
I take great pride in announcing that I've uploaded a TON of new photos of my adorable family from the last month. For some reason the flickr site won't let me create sets right now, but check back there at another time to see them in cohesive groups with comments.

We took another trip to Nantucket this weekend and did nothing more than eat and toodle about in the fog. Myles and I went on two long runs together - amazing that I could even keep up with him - and we watched a bunch of sports on t.v.. Saturday night became a bit of a bender, as we met up with my brother, his wife, his sister-in-law and her husband at this goof-ball bar that we've all frequented since we were of legal age. We danced up a storm in classic "middle -aged-white people" style and felt no shame. Fortunately we all had just a tiny bit of sense left in us and we skipped out on our skinny-dipping plan.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Out and About

So sorry to disappoint you photo hunters... but I just can't bring myself to post the load of pictures that I've taken in recent weeks. There are tons! First off, my far away friend Leah came to visit us and I got to meet her boyfriend Clive (a long overdue happening), then we took a weekend visit to Vermont - Lyllah and Rick's new house on Friday night, Auntie Liza's apartment in Burlington on Saturday night. Apple picking on Sunday (stuffing our faces with cider doughnuts) and a walk around Church Street was refreshing... the weather was perfect... and then a drive to Milton, with a 3 hour nap for the girls, where we celebrated my brother's 38th birthday. Then home to Providence at 11pm.

Penny was totally darling as she happily slept in 3 different beds on 3 different nights. Ruby and Eloise were also VERY adaptable considering the lengthy car rides.

At the end of last week Myles was offered a position as a second year resident in Orthopedics at Brown because a girl was quitting the program. The director was doing his best to lure Myles into the spot by this week so that the other residents wouldn't have to pick up the slack for the dropout... and then she would take over his research work. This was such a shock to both of us and we went back and forth for a couple of days about what Myles should do. It was either "Pursue your dream and get slammed into a really grueling residency program for the next 5 years... and stay in Providence" OR "coast along with the research you've been doing and hope for the best with the anesthesia match... and potentially move again in spring 2008". I was so completely torn. Ultimately I would love to see Myles work his ass off and become an orthopedic surgeon... but considering how much fun we've been having, and how excellent his entire demeanor seems without the added stress of the surgery world, I think anesthesia will be the best fit.

He has chosen to stay with research and wait to hear from anesthesia programs (he already has some interviews set up). But as with any life-altering decision we are now experiencing some "did I make the right choice?" remorse. The director of the ortho program was pretty pissed, the other residents are most likely pretty annoyed and Myles gets to think about how some people would have jumped all over the opportunity to join such an incredible program. Honestly though, it would have been perfect for us if he was 25 and we didn't have kids. If he had joined the program this week I would have been stuck with the 3 kids from 6 AM to at least 8 PM and would have had to consider paying for some evening help. He would have to miss out on most of Penelope's first year... and Ru and El's school events... it would have been awful and he would have been a total grump.

Sorry to bore you all with the lame-o details of this event. We have been wallowing in all kinds of mixed emotions for the last few days and it feels good to finally share it with the computer. When I take the time to spell all of this out I realize that Myles has definitely made the right decision and I should quit feeling bad about what regrets we might have down the road. It just feels odd to acknowledge how much more we value family time over career time.

Phew. I'm toasted and would love to put several thousand dollars worth of stupid shit on my AmEx while I'm at the mall.

Friday, September 14, 2007


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
I've been meaning to write stuff forever, but as you might guess, I start to imagine that I've blogged and then get sad when I realize that my mind has played a trick on me. And then it's just too much to update you folks on! Really, from our trip to Northbrook Lodge, to Nantucket, our nasty cold, our first day of school, our ballet class, our pot-lucks, our 2 festivals (one Irish, one Greek)... and then all of my conflicting realizations about being a parent. I feel like I've learned a lot in the last 2 months... particularly how nice it is to have a dad around on weekends and evenings. We are a great team when it comes to the fine art of kid wrangling. It makes me love my husband again! Seriously, Myles is a totally different person without the added stress and over-tiredness that his profession demands. It has been pleasant to rediscover why I fell for Myles in the first place. After 11 years with the same person you are bound to forget a few of those things that make you like someone so much. So, research rocks (but the pay check doesn't).

This photo of Penny speaks volumes - because really she kind of gets put in weird places (the Flickr site shows us putting her in a giant stew pot) and is occasionally forgotten. Like the time I almost walked out of the restaurant WITHOUT her... as she snoozed in the car seat resting on the highchair. It's given me a couple of good nightmares about misplacing the baby.

The Ms. tee shirt shown here was mine from 1976. My nieces Chloe and Daisy have both worn it, Ru and El wore it (briefly) and now Penny gets to show it off again! 30 year-old fashion making a fine feminist statement. And Myles' giant MAN hand holding the handles, the sand in the background! What's not to love? I could go on and on...

Monday, August 20, 2007


With a new family member I have been faced with the challenge of outfitting myself in decent clothing. Every tank top and skirt I own has a stubborn stain or two and is several sizes too large. I keep thinking I'm going to shed 15 pounds of baby weight before I need to get warmer clothes for the fall... so I'll hang out like a slob in these hideous baggy get-ups until I'm freezing. Nantucket has a way of making me lust uncontrollably for new and beautiful things to wear. The shopping here is totally out of control and unique - some disgusting stuff, some completely outrageous stuff that I could never bear to afford, and some really spectacular yummy stuff that I could see myself wearing and treasuring for years. Many of my favorite fall sweaters have come from a boutique here, and I'll wear them again and again once I can fit in them.

Without a babysitter I can't really go shopping though. Shopping with the baby is silly (the front carrier doesn't allow for try-ons, and the stroller just annoys me and takes up room) and shopping with the twins ends up with a game of hide-and-seek in the clothing racks. This struggle to shop got me thinking about how obsessed I am with buying useless crap and how potentially I could be "greener" (did I just use that word in relationship to fashion? Shocking.) even though it doesn't really come naturally in my clothing sensibilities. So, with that said, I might attempt to post my very first link. When I'm not busy cleaning my house or bossing my kids around, I'm usually found on the computer reading up on crafting and how to be more environmentally kind. (Notice how I said reading rather than being... I have a lot to learn and a lot to change.) We all have to start somewhere when it comes to saving the planet, and this spectacular place called Nantucket has me thinking and feeling more than ever.

Some of that "feeling" refers to fondling cashmere... some of it refers to protecting the island.

Go now fellow readers and soak up some healthy stuff.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


At the end of the last post I wrote "Rhode Izzle"... but I know better. It's fo' shizzle the "Rho-Izzle".

Apologies to all my peeps.


To those of you who are not parents... and to those of you who don't care about stupid online acronyms... CIO stands for "cry-it-out". Yeah. I've just begun that insanity that is - how do I get my baby to sleep? I'm not doing anything yet as far as letting Penny cry to sleep is concerned, but the thought has crossed my mind earlier than it did with Ruby and Eloise! We have been in Nantucket for a week now and I've noticed that because the girls have a pretty scheduled bedtime scenerio, Penny is awake from about 7 to 10 pm. 10 o'clock is NOT a good bedtime for a little peanut her size, and she kind of doesn't really understand how to nurse herself to sleep (except when she wakes at 3 AM, which is a good thing). How do people balance 2 bedtime routines? It's not like I can make the bathtub fit all three of my kids - and I want to give Penny her own nighttime ritual. Oh, and I selfishly want to sniff her clean, fluffy hair after I've given her a sweet little newborn bath in the kitchen sink. I'm just coming to terms with the fact that Ms. Easy Going Baby will eventually have to grow up and learn to sleep. I'm noticing the signs of Cranky Mom in the early evening because I can't figure out how to swing this. And I have no idea how to make a decent dinner anymore.

Wait, did I ever have a minute to make a decent dinner in the last 3 years? Do I have to wait 3 more years to start feeding the family yummy stuff? Maybe so. (I feel like I blogged about this subject not so long ago when I actually roasted a chicken and was really proud of myself. How pathetic.)

Well, on a completely different note, Nantucket has been pretty pleasant. Different, but pleasant. And I just ADORE having Myles come out here for the weekends with us... and I'm happily anticipating a year with his presence in the home. To all of you who have a dad who works 9 to 5 (or the equivalent), consider yourselves lucky. Having Myles as a surgery intern was the shittiest scene ever. Stay-at-home Moms with Docs for husbands have it HARD, and I've just begun to deeply understand how hard it was because I can compare it to something better! That being said, one day I will have to return to my former status as Pseudo Single Mom when Myles resumes his residency... my very own cry-it-out experience to look forward to!

The spectacular photos will get posted upon my return to the Rhode Izzle. We have some good ones from the mountains AND the beaches... man are we lucky people this summer...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Penny the Expressive Baby

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
She's only 5 weeks old and has so many different faces - it cracks me up constantly. Good thing I purchased myself a spankin' new fancy camera. It should take me some time before I figure out about 1/4th of what it's capable of doing.

Actually when I took my first shot and listened to the shutter click I swear I felt my hair stand on end. It almost made me want to cry! You see, I've been saving up for a treat like this for a long long time. I don't think I've ever had the restraint to save - but I must say that it has so much more meaning when you put the heart into your "savings". My intent with the camera goes far beyond just taking cute snapshots of my family... it's a long overdue reconnection to my creative side. I'm hoping it jumpstarts my artwork again by being a visual journal - a collection of inspiring colors and images that I can pull from.

On the savings tip, Myles saved up some of his own money to splurge on a spiffy television for our bedroom. Even the UPS guy said, "you've got yourself a nice one here" when he dropped off the package! Although I said we didn't need another tv, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like how it allows for a little more sleep in the morning. I'm such a junky parent! Plop on a show for the kiddos... close your eyes for another half hour... heavenly.

Off to pack up for our road trip. Better photos next time... I promise.

don't mess with my cheeks

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

yes, i am lame

Okay, so a couple of you wanted me to post a link to my flickr site... but because I am a total LAME-O computer user I don't know how to make this happen. Honestly, I think I should take few minutes and figure this out from "blogger help", but I'm a lazy fucker and prefer to say this: a single click on any posted photo should take you directly to my flickr site. If not, please let me know.

We are headed off to the Adirondacks for a few days (departing tomorrow evening) to see Myles' family - including the famous 91 year old Grandma Betty (a.k.a. My Hero!). I'm hoping to get my ass in a canoe at the very least, while someone looks after Penny.

I'm ashamed that I can't make moments for writing all of my crazy thoughts these days. There is a bunch to sort out in my head - as the addition of a new family member can make one a bit NUTTY to say the least. I can't say that I'm suffering from any PPD (post partum depression for those of you not into mamma-lingo), but I'm suffering from something. Well... maybe not suffering. But something. So many little things happen that make my mind go wild with philosophical thought. I'm just wired with a bunch of good things to say and share, yet the second I sit myself down to write, it's as if someone sucked my brain dry. Is it because I"m nursing?

For example, while we were in Nantucket I sent Ru and El out to the toy store with my dad. Upon their return my dad mentioned that Ruby announced she wasn't wearing any underwear while walking up Main Street. I had forgotten to get her back in some undies after she peed in her pants! No undies and a dress. Good job Mom. I guess that's pretty harmless though. Because the same spacey person also forgot to put sunblock on the bottom half of Eloise at the beach. Three good hours worth of unprotected sun on her sweet white skin - not so pretty. Now I know exactly why my mom calls out everyone else's name before she gets to mine. We seem to short circuit when we are parents, so then throw in the old age factor and you have a malfunctioning machine.

Myles and I were watching television last night and passed by Eddie Murphy's "Raw". I had to make a comment on Eddie's HIDEOUS skin-tight blue and black leather "outfit" of sorts. Myles asked, "what year was this movie made?" I said, "1986". It was 1987... but then Myles replied, "TWENTY YEARS AGO!"

And that seems like ages when you hear TWENTY. Really though, 1987 doesn't seem like it was that far away. Right? I mean, Myles and I had been dating for a year in 1997. (Yes. We are celebrating 11 years together this summer.)

Well, hopefully by the next post I'll have had the opportunity to use my new swanky camera (a digital SLR!) and you can feast your eyes on my yummy, squishy, tan baby. She has a jew-fro mowhawk - no joke.

Sunday, July 29, 2007


Ly and Rick's entrance
Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
My best friend is married- and I could go on forever about how exceptionally perfect her wedding was - but I just don't have the time or brain cells to write anything decent. My sister's wedding is also worth mentioning. It was perfect too. How lucky are we? It's pretty unreal actually. (Penelope went to a wedding at 11 days old and slept through most of everything. She barely made a peep the entire weekend and I managed to have fun on the dance floor... wiggling and jiggling all of the saggy and depressing flesh around my middle.)

So I have photos of Lyllah and Rick's wedding on the flickr site, but I drown my camera in the bottom of my diaper bag before I got to Nantucket for Gwennie's wedding. An entire bottle of water exploded and drenched all kinds of things in the bag... and this means I have to buy a new camera PRONTO! I have to capture Miss Pickle in her roundness... new baby time goes exceptionally fast. In fact, little Penny is almost 11 pounds now - which the doctor thought was pretty impressive - and looks like a total breast-fed monkey. Double chin, baby acne and a faux hawk. She's fuckin' adorable and smells like goat cheese. (I find keeping her clean rather difficult considering that I usually bathe Ru and El every night, and I like to shower too sometimes...)

I feel like these blog entries are going to dwindle away if I'm not careful. Figuring out how to manage the house, laundry, personal hygeine, nursing, napping, groceries, garden, house plants, cat hair and sister brawls has been challenging to say the least. But we have been travelling for 3 consecutive weekends now and I can't say that I've really even unpacked.

Overall, we are doing well. I am kind of in "survival mode" and waiting for a break in this adrenaline rush though.

Oh, and I MUST not forget to put in a detailed labor story at some point. I learned that waiting for natural labor to come would have been WAAAAAY better than being induced (duh.) and that epidurals really do mess with your ability to push (just like the books tell you). That being said, a vaginal delivery is 100 times easier to recover from than a c-section. (hurrah for the va jay-jay!!)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

just a glimpse...

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Hey, I had a little girl named Penelope Anne. She was 8 lbs, 4 oz... just 4 hours shy of a July 4th birthday - and she was really really difficult to push out, but I did it! I would like to post this nice detailed account of my labor drama, but I don't actually have the time or energy right now.

We are all doing well, anticipating 2 wedding weekends in a row, and hoping that you all feast your eyes on my flickr pages with the delicious new photos of our family of FIVE!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Still No Baby!

I'm headed to the doctor in about an hour and I'm still really conflicted about going for the induction or not. The thought of being hooked up to an IV makes me really anxious and grumpy - but so does the idea of being pregnant for another week. What to do?

I promise to keep you all posted once I've made my decision.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

To the Beach!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
No, we haven't made it out to Nantucket yet, but we did take an adventure out to a pretty decent Rhody beach on Monday. This is the only open-eyed picture I got to capture - little Ruby enjoying her time in the sand, poking beach trash into a sculpture.

Myles is home and not working for the week (and potentially just going to hang in there with the Ortho research) and we are sweating it out with the fans and the kid pool most of the time. Ru and El have 2 more days left of Montessori Camp (boo!) and I have 1 more day left until my due date. This is not the weather to be THIS pregnant in! Gross. I'd like a personal fan for my crotch and under my boobs. (Speaking of crotches, Ruby came home from camp with a cool little sponge shaped like a bug, which she referred to as a "crotch roach". I laugh out loud even thinking about it... crotch roach. When she said that, I responded: "No, I think a crotch roach is something very different.")

As for my medical situation, my doctor has agreed to check my progress on Monday morning and if my cervix is still closed and posterior we will begin a pitocin induction on Monday night - that is, if I'm up for it. Otherwise she'll let me hang in there a bit longer and wait for natural labor to begin. The baby isn't in any danger, in fact, it's thriving with a happy heart rate. That probably has something to do with the number of disgustingly fattening meals I keep eating... ice cream, onion rings, chicken fingers, chocolate milk. I'm even going to head out to world's most spicy Indian restaurant for lunch. But besides the healthy baby in me, I'm not doing so well with the stress of being pregnant. I just suck to be around and I'm pretty frustrated that I have 2 very important weddings to go to in July. Somehow those events have made me really impatient to meet the baby and I'm not really willing to be such a warrior and wait for the real contractions to come.

But we shall see... maybe I'll wake up on Monday and feel as if I can be patient for what the greater powers have in store for the new Webster's astrological chart - in which case you get to wait even longer for cute baby photos and a detailed labor story!

(I'm SO going to the mall for the air conditioning this afternoon.)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

So You Think You Can Dance

Does anybody watch this show on Wednesday and Thursday nights like I do? Oh my. It's 1,000 times better than American Idol, but with the same format. Crazy talented dancers compete for America's votes while we get to listen to an incredibly sassy and offensive panel of judges. So You Think You Can Dance. Amazing. And a new season of Top Chef immediately following at 10 pm. Ugh. I'm such a slave to my television at the end of the day. Other than that it's Netflix movies for the summer.

I recently rediscovered the actual newspaper - not just my TimesSelect Online subscription. But will they ever manufacture a newspaper that doesn't get ink all over your fingers? Maybe it's just because I have sweaty pregnant lady hands, or maybe it's because I have sunblock residue on my fingertips (I get the paper and a coffee right after I drop the girls off at camp for the morning... so I have to cover them in stinky SPF 45 before they go) but I actually get annoyed by my newspapery black inky hands. I'm sure it doesn't help my complexion either... because guess who's always touching her face and scratching her nose?

This is Myles' second to last night of call before the END of his surgical intern year. He's on again on Saturday, and then we party... and I stress out a little because I don't know if he's going to really go through with his Ortho research for the year. He has recently disclosed his interest in taking the summer off to study for Step 3 (med licensing exam) and then looking for moonlighting opportunities in and around here and Boston. His new direction is anesthesiology - which thrills me to no end - but I'm feeling really frustrated that he didn't approach this earlier. I'm not really in a good mental place to be supportive of random career choices, even if they are ultimately better for our family in the long run. I know Myles is frustrated with my negative response to his decision and I'm having a terrible time of being nice. I don't want to make the discussion all about me... but motherfucker! I'm due with a baby in 7 days and I'm dealing with the already irritating phenomenon of the disappearing pseudo contractions that never amount to anything. Even I hate me right now - so don't throw me any curveballs, right?

Why can't this just be smooth and easy? I'm so happy being in Providence and I'm not really prepared to make any big changes in the next 2 years as far as location is concerned, but this will have to happen once he figures out where to continue his residency. Maybe if I had some real sense of our family's future I'd finally relax and let the baby out. I mean, aren't you all waiting for some new adorable baby photos and to see what mysterious name Myles has picked out? And is it a boy or a girl? The suspense is killing me.

Off to eat some ice cream... then to restless sleep.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Waiting at the Finish Line

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Myles ran in the Milton Road Race again this year, and I curiously forgot to take any pictures of his sweaty, healthy being sprinting towards the finish. Instead I grabbed this great shot of how helpful grandparents can be when you have kids who are tired of standing up.

After a visit to the doctor on Thursday it was determined that I am not actually dilated at all... which many loving kind women have told me means NOTHING as far as when you will really go into labor. I'm pretty sure I'm in for the long haul here, especially considering that I made it this far with twins and they still wouldn't come out even with the induction! Eleven more days until the due date...

I go from feeling extremely antsy and annoyed at being pregnant, to being completely content with whatever time frame this baby wants to work with. It's damn uncomfortable though when the weather gets this hot.

Here's what's yummy: gazpacho and ceviche. I suggest you go make some right now...

Saturday, June 09, 2007

nothing new

I really wish I had something interesting to share with everybody - something monumental like a new family member, a fresh insight on parenting, even another cute photo would be nice... but I have NOTHING. Just a giant belly. I was looking at that picture of myself from last week and I know I'm even larger than that. Seven days and that many more nutrients packed into this little being inside of me. This very moment I'm restraining myself from eating an entire jar full of my mom's spiced almonds and the rest of a cinnamon bun. I have already consumed a bowl of oatmeal and an almond croissant. Oh this poor baby.

Last night I was fantasizing and longing for the sensation of sleeping on my stomach. I'd love to just roll from one side of the bed clear to the other side... roll roll roll. But for now the options are: right side or left side with a brief stopover on my back to register how uncomfortable that is. And I'd love to have a regular sized pee - a pee long enough to make me feel like my efforts to get to the bathroom were worthwhile. Wait, have I ever mentioned how difficult it is to pee in that fucking cup at my doctor's appointments? You try aiming piss in a tiny container when you can't see your vagina... let alone reach it!

Tomorrow we are hosting a bridal shower for my pal Lyllah at my mom's house. My mom and I have been cooking a bunch of labor-intensive asian foods while the girls play with all of my toys left over from the 80's. It's actually been kind of pleasant because Myles is on call and my dad is in Virginia racing cars. Just us ladies doing lady-ish things. My mom made the observation that our houses are remarkably cleaner and we get more things done when our husbands aren't around. No pubes on the bar of soap and no dishes in the sink!

Perhaps I'll post some photos of Ly's shower if I manage to remember to take pictures...

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Stealing Glasses - Again!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
Last weekend we headed out to Nantucket in order to kick off Myles' vacation week and I got a chance to capture my girls in full silliness while they romped around the yard with the sprinkler. I HIGHLY recommend heading to my flickr photos to see just how funny this series of photos turned out. Ruby looks tremendous in my Marc by Marc sunglasses, and Eloise is a picture of intellectual cuteness in my mom's purple wire-rims. In fact, if they ever had to wear glasses I'd choose this wire-rim look for them in a second.

Both girls begin "camp" for the month of June on Monday. 4 hours a day, 5 days a week! What the hell am I going to do with myself? I can't possibly keep up with this organizational garbage - or my home will be devoid of all characteristic mess and clutter!

I can't believe how grown up Ruby and Eloise have gotten in recent weeks. It's wildly disconcerting - because it's like I'm hanging out with someone else's children. They tell me all sorts of amazing facts, they catch me on various "fibs" that I might be utilizing (i.e., "mommy, you said there wasn't any bread left for french toast but I see a whole loaf in the corner over there...", they remind me what I need to buy at CVS ("Don't forget the toothpaste. We need new toothpaste."), they comfort one another and have amazing empathetic "twin" moments, and they managed to have their blood drawn without crying. (I was dreading the 3 year old lead screening because of Providence's ancient lead pipes...). Oh, and I'm going to jinx myself tonight by saying this, but they haven't peed in their beds in weeks! They wake up to tell me they need to go to the bathroom... I never EVER could picture what it would look like to have completely potty trained children, but VOILA! What a luxury.

Mamma Bird

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
My sweaters. My neatly folded, color-coded, hand-washed, sun-dried wool sweaters. Now they lie packed in an anally prepared "under bed bag" with a cedar insert. I've offically lost my mind for all things that can be ORGANIZED. If you could bottle the hormone that makes pregnant ladies feel this incredible urge to "NEST" (ugh. I said it. "Nesting" is one of those maternity terms that I can't stand.) then I think you could prescribe it to all the college students that can't figure out how to finish a project or clean their dorm rooms. What I wouldn't have done to feel this motivated when I was 19!

The nesting instinct aside, I thought it was pretty hysterical to see the cohesive tonality in my sweater collection. Although I have about 25 more to wash, I can assure you they look almost exactly the same in color selection. Discovering that I really do have a stylistic preference when it comes to color shouldn't be a surprise to me, but seeing it all laid out nice and neat gives it more impact.

Which reminds me, I only have about 3 tank tops and 2 skirts that I can fit my large self into - and it's getting disgusting. Hopefully I won't add too many more grease stains to those cherished items in the next 4 weeks and passers by won't have to wonder about that poor poor overly pregnant and slobby lady with twins.

Phat Mamma: 36 Weeks...

Phat Mamma: 36 Weeks...
Originally uploaded by mollieholliday
This might be the only pregnant Mollie shot that I offer up to my viewers. I should thank my mommy friend Jennifer for capturing the dramatic profile... with cookie nugget in hand, poised and ready to stuff it in my face. Note the box full of extra cookies from Dunkin' Fucknuts on the table behind me. (They are surprisingly tasty cookies. Seriously.)

The real reason I'm posting this to you folks: I'm miserable and uncomfortable! The Pickle has dropped lower since this photo was taken and I'm feeling it tearing my pubic bones apart. I have all sorts of funny Braxton-Hicks contractions that I never experienced with Ru and El and I can practically get my fingers around various baby body parts when I feel my belly because my uterus is stretched so thin. Sometimes I think I can even see the baby through my paper-like skin. I have no "pelvic floor" muscles left, but I still do my best to walk like a normal person. Poor Pickle's head will most likely emerge in a dramatic cone shape... especially if I manage to have the elusive VBAC.

Oh the VBAC... will you all send your collective vibes to my uterus and tell it to do the things it's supposed to this time? I'm pretty convinced everything will go as planned and I'll be able to deliver naturally, but a little loving energy from you all might help in the long run. That and a few more cookies and milkshakes.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

What Would We Do without Ammie?

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Oftentimes my mom comes up to see us... I mean, a lot. She takes us to lunch at all the cool Providence restaurants and makes my life a whole lot easier. We go to gardening centers and she teaches us about plants and how to grow things. She buys us groceries. She takes my kids to the bathroom. She spoils the kids at toy stores and ice cream shops. She combs over catalogues with me and helps me conquer the next home decorating conundrum. We are partners in crime, to say the least. When she calls me up and says, "would you like me to come down and make dinner with you?" I'm happier than you might ever imagine. (Remember, Myles is "Q2" - a.k.a. absent)

But yesterday she called up to say that she and my dad wanted to come to take us out to their Anniversary dinner. Although I thought maybe they wanted to be alone, they insisted that after 33 years of marriage they would rather have the company of their grandkids at a pleasant restaurant than be by themselves.

We gorged ourselves at this bistro-style restaurant and left feeling rotund and stinking of garlic. I had a glass of red wine (although completely embarassed about drinking it in public) and it tasted like heaven.

Even though I have a lot of guilt about how generous my mom is to me, and I feel spoiled rotten by her, I completely get where she is coming from. The other day Ruby and Eloise's school prepared "Mother's Day Tea" for the moms. We arrived to their classroom and they cheered "Happy Mother's Day" and waved little cut-out pink tea cups decorated with glitter glue. Inside were little tea bags. We all sat at kid sized tables and had tea sandwiches - prepared ENTIRELY by the kids, and we were served (cold) tea in ceramic tea pots. I mean, cups, saucers... the whole thing... but 3 year olds pouring us tea! It was adorable. As they poured they said, "and we stop before we get to the top!" HA! I can only imagine how many overflows they must have had while practicing. Well, it made me want to burst with happiness at how proud they were of their achievements. They constantly amaze me and they are my best companions.

So, every day that goes by I get closer to understanding why my mom just gives every bit of herself to us. She's not capable of doing her job any other way.

Ru and El's First Paddle

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Last weekend we had Myles with us for 2.5 days - so we headed up to Brattleboro to see his dad and Kathleen. That Friday night I opted out of a brief canoe ride, but Myles captured a couple of cute moments. This photo shows Eloise and Ruby in full command of the paddles. Jim is in the very front using his hands to direct the boat - apparently 3 year olds don't really get much momentum going in a canoe. The important thing however, is that they thought they were doing a fantastic job.

Every time I'm back in some part of VT I get really nostalgic and all worked up about what a special community I left behind. The Bratt. Farmer's market was a total treat to attend - we purchased a bunch of lettuces, herbs and some tomato plants for our garden. I stuffed my face with homemade doughnuts and indian food. The kids dug around in a sandbox and we ran into all sorts of familar faces. I also managed to stop into the hippie-est of all natural parenting shops to grab my supply of organic cotton baby diapers! Finally almost 3 years of using disposable diapers I have decided that going the cloth route for 1 child will be manageable. And if it turns out to be a nightmare, I won't be stubborn about keeping it up... we can totally do disposable for when we're on the road or if the big kid poops are just too fucking gross. (But after potty training 2, I'm a veteran to the Big Kid Poop in the undies scenario...)

So Vermonters and former Vermonters that are reading this - we miss you very much. Keep up the good work.

chillin' in the canoe

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.

Our Only NYC Photo

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
I have a special skill for not having camera batteries when we are visiting places or on a fun trip. We did capture a fine moment here, where my dad couldn't be happier pusing the girls in their sleek-yet-crappy city stroller. Actually, my dad pushed this thing all weekend long. I think it made him feel really proud. Ruby and Eloise would just sit there and chat away, playing ponies and watching the sites. They were remarkable - and one night while we were lying in bed falling asleep Eloise said, "Mom, I love New York city. I wish we lived here." Similarly, Ruby did not want to leave when we got in the car. She thought "New York city is too much fun. Let's not go home."

I couldn't have agreed more.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

quick note...

Yesterday I went to my mom's house for the afternoon (after a much-needed and successful trip to Ikea) and decided, with a self-depricating preface, to tell her about my desire for a letterpress. She laughed (like I knew she would) and said, "Oh Molls. That's just going to turn out like the situation with your sewing machine."

Amazing how well we know ourselves... and how our families know us... whether we like it or not.

But what if I don't buy a letterpress because my mom thinks "it will sit there and take up space"? And who do I believe? Me, or my mom?

Hasn't that always been my biggest confusion and therefore my greatest downfall?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Stretch Armstrong

Am I letting my readers down when I just ramble on with various complaints? How about when I complain AND I fail to post a photo? Lame. I know.

My ever-expanding belly is starting to hurt more and more, probably due to my time spent in the garden, squatting and weeding like a crazy woman. (Has anyone read "The Good Earth"? I'll pop a baby out while I"m in the field... no problemo.)We seem to have been plagued with this kind of onion grass that has taken over the yard, and since it's really just a bunch of tiny bulbs run rampant, I have to dig it up and do my best to clean it out. The worms I find while digging are immediately handed over to my fellow gardeners Ruby and Eloise, who then proceed to torture them by flinging them in buckets of water and splatting them onto their jungle gym. Eloise just can't get enough of worms... she says, "ooooh. I just love these little guys. Hi wormy worms. It's Eloise. I'll take care of you..." while she holds them and inspects them close to her face. Despite what I tell them about how valuable worms are to the garden, and how worms don't like to be hot and dry, they can't help but torture them. I guess it's cute.

Anyway, my fantasies of having a mini vegetable garden (with about 5 different veggies) have almost disappeared - the onion grass weeds being one reason for disappointment, and Myles' schedule being the other. If I just had my Manservant around he could dig up the shitty weeds for me - but he's more or less absent. Did I mention that during the month of May he's going to be "Q 2"... Doctor-speak for EveryOtherFuckingNightSpentAtTheHospital? He tells me that you actually get to sleep when you're on this Pediatric Surgery rotation, so when he's post-call he won't have to be sleeping. I know the truth to this though. Q 2 is just plain horrible - sleep or no sleep. I'm so sick and tired of my nights alone... and my mornings alone! I would pay large sums of money to have Myles next to me in bed every morning... and then he would get up and make me a big pot of coffee (yes folks, this pregnant lady drinks lots of caffeine) and he'd make the girls breakfast. Oh, and he'd do the dishes and some laundry before I even emerged from the bedroom.

But wait, back to my belly. Everyone I encounter likes to say, "Oh, you're carrying out front. You're SO having a boy", or "Your face hasn't changed. You're having a boy." Or, "I totally sense boy-vibes". Or "Your skin looks great. You're having a boy." What the fuck people? Don't they know there's no truth in any of that garbage? It's killing me.

Maybe it annoys me because I feel like I'm carrying a boy around... but not because of any of the "Old Wives" crap. It just feels kinda boy-ish. It stretches around and kicks up a storm at all hours. It's not shy. Anyone who wants to feel it move can feel it move. No hiding. But then again, what do I have to compare this pregnancy to other than my crazy twin situation? Of course it's going to be a different sensation all together.

I'm pretty sure I've been having some of those Braxton-Hicks contractions here and there, but doesn't that seem kinda early? I can't tell. I guess I only have 9 more weeks, which in the mind of a pregnant woman feels like an eternity.

So in the meantime I'm obsessing over buying a vintage letterpress. It's really silly but serves as an excellent distraction - and once I purchase one, then I can let it sit and collect dust just like my "Must Have" sewing machine. I say that only because my family constantly pokes fun at my capricious hobbies. The only reason we don't have a pair of egg laying chickens in our yard is because my parents laughed at me over and over again when I started spewing my poultry facts at them. Occasionally though I don't care what anyone says and I just jump into stuff for no reason at all. But the letterpress thing has purpose! It's a long-overdue necessity for a crafty beeyatch like myself.

I'll be sure to post pictures if I manage to get the model that I want. And then you can all call me up with your business card requests.

Friday, April 13, 2007


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
I love this shot. They are at the point where they like to get dressed up for a party and get their hair done. Then they fight over who gets the black patent leather party shoes (we have some hand-me-downs, but not two of the same - shocking!)

What will I do if this next baby is a boy?

bed heads

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
These little critters come into my bed in the morning and it's so darn cute. Most of the time I'm exhausted and the thought of even moving hurts - but they know all the tricks to get me up. Ruby will open up my dresser drawer and pick out a long sleeved teeshirt (to wear into our unbearably cold kitchen), and Eloise will collect their slippers and sweatshirts. They even say that they have to use the potty... which means I literally spring up and out of bed to make sure we don't have a miss. We have finally done away with diapers and pull-ups for night time, meaning that there's extra caution in the AM, plus middle of the night potty visits (where both girls are asleep on the toilet but somehow manage to pee - it's hysterical). This doesn't mean I'm not doing a whole bunch of laundry though... we have our fair share of accidents. But it was their chioce! One night they just said, "we're 3 years old. We don't need pull-ups." So I thought I'd save a whole bunch of money and trash and just deal with pees in the bed if I had to.

who's who?

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.

sneaky bed monsters

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.

Monday, April 02, 2007

We Are 3!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
After lots of time spent thinking of how to report on our amazing vacation, I have opted to just post lots of pictures on the flickr site. There is way too much to say... mostly along the lines of "Disney World is awesome", which sounds kind of lame and "ohmygod my kids are totally grown up". Then I could talk for hours on how much I ate while I was there and how being in a maternity bathing suit is the most humiliating experience ever. I will spare everyone with those silly complaints - and instead I'll whine and moan about Myles' busy schedule. I knew this spring would be tough hours for him, but I forgot how bad BAD really is.

So much of my life has turned back in to basic survival skills - those skills that got me through a couple of winters in Burlington with little babies - counting hours, killing time, reminding myself that things will get better if I'm just patient and make it to bedtime. Ruby and Eloise are tremendous and easy and this pregnancy is a breeze - but the baby is a MOVER. Considering that my uterus was stretched out with 12 pounds of baby before, Pickle has plenty of room to torment me at odd hours. My best description would be trapping a rodent in a pillowcase... and well, swallow that. A rodent noodling around in your abdomen! Pickle wakes up with Myles at about 4:45 AM and doesn't quit moving until I start walking around downstairs. I don't sleep anymore and I have 3 more months of this business. Either I have severe sleep depravation or a case of the nasty hormones right now.

Example: my late afternoon sticky-ass burning hot vanilla latte slides off the dashboard when myles accellerates out of a parking space -and it splashes all over my legs and feet. Suede shoes and freshly painted toenails covered in crap, car mat and floor soaking... I manage to make it home without really losing my shit, but then I go to get a pair of fresh jeans out of the dryer. Ugh. They barely zip up - or better yet - they barely fit over my thighs. I am a fat beast. Mortified that I have gained so much weight in the last 2 hours, I resort to the bathroom where I whimper and sulk and want to scream. All I want is the fucking latte.

This being said, I'm embarassed that this blog was supposed to concern Ru and El's monumental third birthday. Perhaps I'll redeem myself in another post!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Ru and Kaiah

Originally uploaded by rsfrd.
Saturday afternoon we went to our friend Kaiah's third birthday party. The entire time Eloise kept refering to Kaiah as "Hazel" - which is adorable. Hazel and Kaiah have a birthday 2 days apart, and they have some similar features... is there any truth to astrological predictions of physique? I mean, Capricorns are known to have trouble with their feet and knees, and we are supposed to have high foreheads too. That's totally me.

I think my forehead is getting bigger every day actually. Along with my nose.

Sunday, February 25, 2007


There are days when I really do feel like Wonderwoman (minus the skimpy outfit, cape and nifty accessories). Today was one of those days when I managed to do all things mommy with what feels like the strength and endurance of "daddy". The daddy was yet again on 24 hrs at the hospital, and the girls and I took a trip out to lunch with family friends in Milton. My folks came along and we had such a delightful spread of food - quiche, greens, soup, bread, cheese, olives, wine, champagne. Ruby and Eloise sat like big girls at this lovely table, silently dipping their bread in soup, eating broccoli quiche and diligently munching around olive pits. They used their napkins, they toasted gently with water glasses and even managed to ask "may I be excused?". Then they skibbled off to play with their farm animals on the floor while I got to eat my fill and talk to grown ups about movies. When this type of stuff happens I'm able to recognize how important my mommy skills have been. I hate thinking of the endless days when I think I'm going to explode if I have to give another fucking "Time Out" or negotiate a sharing brawl or explain the importance of good manners and kindness. But I've learned that if I handle those crazy days well, decent child behavior and a moment for me to enjoy time with other adults will result.

After lunch we walked down the street and fed some carrots to a couple of horses, then we went back to my mom's house to relax and play. The girls ate an early dinner, got some jammies on and fell asleep while I drove home. Here's where I start to feel kinda beat: I pull the car in the driveway, take one sleeping girl out, hobble up the stairs, fumble for house keys in the dark, place girl on the couch, run back out to get the second sleeping girl, take her up to her bed and tuck her in, then head down to get the couch girl and repeat the tucking in process. I organize all the recycling, put out the trash, pick up the toys, put away the dishes and collapse on the couch with the clicker. Pickle starts bonking around in my stomach and I am reminded that I'm pregnant - and lonely. Although I'm excited to have the bed to myself on nights like these, I can't say I dig having the girls come in my room about 2 times (four total) each. I just end up shuttling them back to their beds, but FUCK that's tiring. I feel like I don't really sleep. And the house seems so empty with just the three of us snoozing in it. (So, to the real single moms out there, you are some serious superheros.)

Most days DON'T go smoothly for moms. We are under-rested, rushed, emotional and fairly unrecognized or appreciated for our efforts. Our job is never over. (I feel like I've seen a corny needlepoint that reads, "A mother's work is never done" and I call that phrase up in my mind whenever I do a load of laundry or put away the dishes.)

So how do I manage my life? What keeps me going? Well, I guess it's days like today. They are my long overdue paychecks.

Now back to watching the Oscars...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


About a month ago my dad asked the girls what their new brother or sister should be named, and Ruby answered, "Pickle". Eloise chimed in, "No, Lily." And my dad followed with "Lily Pickle Webster - what a good name!"

So let me fill you in on Mr./Ms. Pickle - what a busy little creature it is. At this point in my pregnancy I think Pickle should be weighing in at close to 1 pound and a bit over 10 inches long, meaning any movement it makes is very noticeable and distracting. Yesterday was the first day Pickle decided to kick near the cervix (those of you who have felt this know exactly what I'm talking about) and make me wince. It's not that it hurts, but more that it's really disturbing. Like your baby could kick it's way out if it wanted to... and you have to clench your buttcheeks together. I know this falls under the category of Too Much Information, but I feel I owe it to Pickle to remember what he/she was like in utero - because you forget. Nature has that figured out perfectly... you forget all the crummy sensations associated with carrying a child so your body gets excited to go through it again. I remember vague things about the extremes of my pregancy with Ru and El, but their movements were such a jumble and I couldn't tell what was going on. With this one, I know where to prod and feel the little butt sticking up. Myles enjoys pressing my stomach excessively and making Pickle scramble around. Isn't that terrible?

Normally I lose connection with Pickle during the day. Yesterday while the girls were at school I ventured to the mall to try on some hideous springtime maternity wear. Some Latino dudes mumbled, "What's up Hot Mama?" behind me on the escalator. Amazing. HOT MAMA. I nearly died of embarassment - I finally understand that I look pregnant to the general public. (Like the snugness of my underwear didn't alert me to this already.) A similar thing happened when I went to the market and was standing in the checkout line and I realized I had forgotten my wallet in the car. The checkout woman said, "go ahead, take your time", and I RAN back to the car to fetch it. Upon my return she said, "Wow. That was fast for a pregnant lady." (PREGNANT LADY! Oh yeah, I'm with child. Remember?)

Now I want you readers to envision me doing the high-speed pregnant shuffle across the icy parking lot in completely impractical shoes.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Audubon Walk

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Minus our trip to Burlington a couple weekends ago, we have been really house-bound and stir-crazy. I've started to feel like a bad mom for keeping us inside so much, but I haven't had the energy or enthusiasm for much of anything. The weather is too cold to have fun outside when there's NO SNOW. NO SNOW! This is just odd for me, especially after seeing the great pictures from my VT pals, smothered in white with their snowsuits and burly boots. So when we had Myles home for the day I dragged him out of the house to the Audubon Society in Bristol, RI, hoping to find something beautiful and fun for the family, or at least to find a change of scenery.

In a very brief period of time I learned that I'm a lame-o for not exploring more. This state is tiny, and mostly surrounded by gorgeous water. After wandering around the Audubon Ed Center and looking at all the fish and creepy taxedermy, we headed out on a trail that took us over the wetlands and out to the ocean. It was so beautiful that I had to keep lifting my sunglasses up to check and see if it was real - everything was crisp and vibrant and energizing! When we neared the beach, without even seeing it Eloise said, "I smell the water." Genius! There it was just around the bend, gleaming and twinkling... but when was the last time we were anywhere near the ocean, and how the hell did Elo remember what it smells like?

As we walked (El and Ru running and stomping) over this beautiful boardwalk I knew I was having one of those special family moments that I would keep in my head forever. The last time I can remember feeling like that was about 2 years ago when we took the girls out in the stroller onto frozen Lake Champlain... you can't get those images out of your head when the experience has been so good! (Are these the things that flash back to you when you're dying?)

Ruby and Eloise were incredible, trekking rather far (I thought) without complaint of tiredness, and I had visions of us enjoying many new adventures all over the world. We are so much more portable than we used to be. Oh, yeah... there's another kid coming... but really, ONE BABY? Please. Unless this kid comes out wired like a maniac, I think we can handle it without a problem. I love looking back at the adjustments I had to make in my thought processes over the last three years - all the sacrifice that I had to come to terms with, all the stressors I had to meet in the face and eventually decide to ignore, the feelings of self-loathing and self-doubt that I have wrestled to the ground. I know more than ever that I'm good mom, and adding a third kid seems like it will put my skills to the test in the best ways.

Now if I could only get us out of the house faster...


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
The colors on this walk have been stuck in my head for the last 48 hours. (Does anyone know what I mean by having colors stuck in your head?)

Little Old Rhode Island

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
The Ocean State, remember?

Endless Boardwalk

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.

Flower Power!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
This Friday evening a bunch of the ladies from my sister's bridal party took a trip to the dress shop, where Eloise and Ruby got to try on some too-big Flower Girl samples. They could not have been happier - which actually came as a surprise to me. Although Elo usually demonstrates the most enthusiasm for frilly girlie things, Ruby seemed equally pleased to look like a little princess. Of course my entire family was exploding with oohs and ahs as the girls twirled around and even tried to put on the strappy high heels lying on the dressing room floor. When she wasn't looking, I caught Eloise posing in the mirror, floating her arms up and down like a butterfly, spreading her tiny fingers out delicately. I love spying on them now when they are doing self-conscious kinds of things.

The evening culminated in a yummy dinner in Boston's North End - where Ruby decided to announce in a loud voice "my bum hurts" over and over. (She had just taken a superior poop in the ladies bathroom...)

Elo in Charge

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Eloise wanted Ruby to follow her direction and pose for photos rather than spend time looking in the mirror.

clenched fists!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Total excitement for Eloise.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Audrey and El

Audrey and El
Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Look at Eloise's face here - it speaks volumes about how highly she regards Audrey! Look at her legs stretched out, feet flexed with happiness. Audrey, we miss you already!!!

Audrey & Girls

Audrey & Girls
Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
A couple of weekends ago our most loved "nanny" from Burlington came to visit us. She is more than just a nanny though... what an excellent friend - an incredible human. We had so much fun showing her around Providence, eating good food and catching up. Only Audrey can get Ru and El to sit still for braids...

Braids by Audrey

Braids by Audrey
Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
We are growing up way too fast. Look at our tremendous new hairdos!

mystery baby

Yesterday we had our big monumental ultrasound and there is indeed a baby in my tummy. With all of the distractions of everyday life I seem to forget I'm pregnant most of the time, and I feel sorry that the little critter doesn't get the in-utero attention it deserves. Now if that's not enough, I decided not to find out the sex! I never thought I could restrain myself from blurting out "WHAT IS IT?" while lying there, but I was so nervous that they would tell me it was another girl and I wouldn't be as elated as I should be. I kept my mouth shut.

If I can get the scanner functioning I'll post some of those alien ultrasound shots. Unfortunately you won't get to see a view of the legs or feet, because they wouldn't show us that angle - in case Myles could tell what to look for between the thighs!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Psycho Ruby

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
She has made this face since she was 10 months old! I hope it never leaves her... besides, wouldn't you be this excited if you were wearing a crown of pink tulle?


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
The tutu progressed towards their heads when they were through with dancing.