Sunday, February 25, 2007


There are days when I really do feel like Wonderwoman (minus the skimpy outfit, cape and nifty accessories). Today was one of those days when I managed to do all things mommy with what feels like the strength and endurance of "daddy". The daddy was yet again on 24 hrs at the hospital, and the girls and I took a trip out to lunch with family friends in Milton. My folks came along and we had such a delightful spread of food - quiche, greens, soup, bread, cheese, olives, wine, champagne. Ruby and Eloise sat like big girls at this lovely table, silently dipping their bread in soup, eating broccoli quiche and diligently munching around olive pits. They used their napkins, they toasted gently with water glasses and even managed to ask "may I be excused?". Then they skibbled off to play with their farm animals on the floor while I got to eat my fill and talk to grown ups about movies. When this type of stuff happens I'm able to recognize how important my mommy skills have been. I hate thinking of the endless days when I think I'm going to explode if I have to give another fucking "Time Out" or negotiate a sharing brawl or explain the importance of good manners and kindness. But I've learned that if I handle those crazy days well, decent child behavior and a moment for me to enjoy time with other adults will result.

After lunch we walked down the street and fed some carrots to a couple of horses, then we went back to my mom's house to relax and play. The girls ate an early dinner, got some jammies on and fell asleep while I drove home. Here's where I start to feel kinda beat: I pull the car in the driveway, take one sleeping girl out, hobble up the stairs, fumble for house keys in the dark, place girl on the couch, run back out to get the second sleeping girl, take her up to her bed and tuck her in, then head down to get the couch girl and repeat the tucking in process. I organize all the recycling, put out the trash, pick up the toys, put away the dishes and collapse on the couch with the clicker. Pickle starts bonking around in my stomach and I am reminded that I'm pregnant - and lonely. Although I'm excited to have the bed to myself on nights like these, I can't say I dig having the girls come in my room about 2 times (four total) each. I just end up shuttling them back to their beds, but FUCK that's tiring. I feel like I don't really sleep. And the house seems so empty with just the three of us snoozing in it. (So, to the real single moms out there, you are some serious superheros.)

Most days DON'T go smoothly for moms. We are under-rested, rushed, emotional and fairly unrecognized or appreciated for our efforts. Our job is never over. (I feel like I've seen a corny needlepoint that reads, "A mother's work is never done" and I call that phrase up in my mind whenever I do a load of laundry or put away the dishes.)

So how do I manage my life? What keeps me going? Well, I guess it's days like today. They are my long overdue paychecks.

Now back to watching the Oscars...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


About a month ago my dad asked the girls what their new brother or sister should be named, and Ruby answered, "Pickle". Eloise chimed in, "No, Lily." And my dad followed with "Lily Pickle Webster - what a good name!"

So let me fill you in on Mr./Ms. Pickle - what a busy little creature it is. At this point in my pregnancy I think Pickle should be weighing in at close to 1 pound and a bit over 10 inches long, meaning any movement it makes is very noticeable and distracting. Yesterday was the first day Pickle decided to kick near the cervix (those of you who have felt this know exactly what I'm talking about) and make me wince. It's not that it hurts, but more that it's really disturbing. Like your baby could kick it's way out if it wanted to... and you have to clench your buttcheeks together. I know this falls under the category of Too Much Information, but I feel I owe it to Pickle to remember what he/she was like in utero - because you forget. Nature has that figured out perfectly... you forget all the crummy sensations associated with carrying a child so your body gets excited to go through it again. I remember vague things about the extremes of my pregancy with Ru and El, but their movements were such a jumble and I couldn't tell what was going on. With this one, I know where to prod and feel the little butt sticking up. Myles enjoys pressing my stomach excessively and making Pickle scramble around. Isn't that terrible?

Normally I lose connection with Pickle during the day. Yesterday while the girls were at school I ventured to the mall to try on some hideous springtime maternity wear. Some Latino dudes mumbled, "What's up Hot Mama?" behind me on the escalator. Amazing. HOT MAMA. I nearly died of embarassment - I finally understand that I look pregnant to the general public. (Like the snugness of my underwear didn't alert me to this already.) A similar thing happened when I went to the market and was standing in the checkout line and I realized I had forgotten my wallet in the car. The checkout woman said, "go ahead, take your time", and I RAN back to the car to fetch it. Upon my return she said, "Wow. That was fast for a pregnant lady." (PREGNANT LADY! Oh yeah, I'm with child. Remember?)

Now I want you readers to envision me doing the high-speed pregnant shuffle across the icy parking lot in completely impractical shoes.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Audubon Walk

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Minus our trip to Burlington a couple weekends ago, we have been really house-bound and stir-crazy. I've started to feel like a bad mom for keeping us inside so much, but I haven't had the energy or enthusiasm for much of anything. The weather is too cold to have fun outside when there's NO SNOW. NO SNOW! This is just odd for me, especially after seeing the great pictures from my VT pals, smothered in white with their snowsuits and burly boots. So when we had Myles home for the day I dragged him out of the house to the Audubon Society in Bristol, RI, hoping to find something beautiful and fun for the family, or at least to find a change of scenery.

In a very brief period of time I learned that I'm a lame-o for not exploring more. This state is tiny, and mostly surrounded by gorgeous water. After wandering around the Audubon Ed Center and looking at all the fish and creepy taxedermy, we headed out on a trail that took us over the wetlands and out to the ocean. It was so beautiful that I had to keep lifting my sunglasses up to check and see if it was real - everything was crisp and vibrant and energizing! When we neared the beach, without even seeing it Eloise said, "I smell the water." Genius! There it was just around the bend, gleaming and twinkling... but when was the last time we were anywhere near the ocean, and how the hell did Elo remember what it smells like?

As we walked (El and Ru running and stomping) over this beautiful boardwalk I knew I was having one of those special family moments that I would keep in my head forever. The last time I can remember feeling like that was about 2 years ago when we took the girls out in the stroller onto frozen Lake Champlain... you can't get those images out of your head when the experience has been so good! (Are these the things that flash back to you when you're dying?)

Ruby and Eloise were incredible, trekking rather far (I thought) without complaint of tiredness, and I had visions of us enjoying many new adventures all over the world. We are so much more portable than we used to be. Oh, yeah... there's another kid coming... but really, ONE BABY? Please. Unless this kid comes out wired like a maniac, I think we can handle it without a problem. I love looking back at the adjustments I had to make in my thought processes over the last three years - all the sacrifice that I had to come to terms with, all the stressors I had to meet in the face and eventually decide to ignore, the feelings of self-loathing and self-doubt that I have wrestled to the ground. I know more than ever that I'm good mom, and adding a third kid seems like it will put my skills to the test in the best ways.

Now if I could only get us out of the house faster...


Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
The colors on this walk have been stuck in my head for the last 48 hours. (Does anyone know what I mean by having colors stuck in your head?)

Little Old Rhode Island

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
The Ocean State, remember?

Endless Boardwalk

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.

Flower Power!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
This Friday evening a bunch of the ladies from my sister's bridal party took a trip to the dress shop, where Eloise and Ruby got to try on some too-big Flower Girl samples. They could not have been happier - which actually came as a surprise to me. Although Elo usually demonstrates the most enthusiasm for frilly girlie things, Ruby seemed equally pleased to look like a little princess. Of course my entire family was exploding with oohs and ahs as the girls twirled around and even tried to put on the strappy high heels lying on the dressing room floor. When she wasn't looking, I caught Eloise posing in the mirror, floating her arms up and down like a butterfly, spreading her tiny fingers out delicately. I love spying on them now when they are doing self-conscious kinds of things.

The evening culminated in a yummy dinner in Boston's North End - where Ruby decided to announce in a loud voice "my bum hurts" over and over. (She had just taken a superior poop in the ladies bathroom...)

Elo in Charge

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Eloise wanted Ruby to follow her direction and pose for photos rather than spend time looking in the mirror.

clenched fists!

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
Total excitement for Eloise.