Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Wax On, Wax Off

Honestly, I don't get why I think it's okay for a stranger to remove my unwanted body hair. And unfortunate strangers they are! Who knows what hideous things they have to encounter while applying hot wax to someone's neglected "bikini area". Ha! "Bikini Area". We are so embarrassed to say what it is we are actually waxing that we call it an "area". Well, the place I like to be hair free could be called just the "ass crack", but no one wants to say that to the person at the salon desk. Hell, once I made the mistake of saying, "I'd like a full leg and armpit wax" to one of those cheap joints in NYC (masterfully run and by Asians, yes) and I was corrected politely: "You want full leg and underarm?" So it's an UNDERARM not an ARMPIT. Armpit is gross I guess - and I suppose I wouldn't really want to wax a pit - or a crack for that matter. What about a vulva? "Hi, I'm here for a 2:00 full vulva wax." That would be excellent. Fuck, it's better than "Brazilian" - which implies that Brazilians have impeccably hairless crotches and cracks, and that perhaps if you get "brazilian-ed" you too might have beautiful Brazilian butt cheeks.

Whatever, I dig the Brazilian if it's done right (so much so that I don't mind some random person grooming my privates) and it does make me feel slightly more sexy - but how often is the Brazilian really done right? And in Nantucket of all places? Hell no. Did I have yet another horrible wax experience here? Hell yes. Ugh. I walked out of this place with my underwear stuck to my crack for the rest of the afternoon, and my remaining pubes had to be trimmed of the leftover wax. You know what's the most ridiculous? That I paid this woman and I acted like everything was okay because I just wanted the whole experience to be over with. I smiled, gave her a tip and walked out. She didn't speak a word of english, actually. So if I had a complaint it would have been a complete farce.

Enough on my crack though, because really, what I should be writing about is Tari Cash's wedding in Martha's Vineyard this weekend. Mom and I ventured on a super long journey by ferry to MVY with Ru and El, where we found ourselves chasing completely overtired little monsters around a filthy ferry deck. Insanity. I'm proud to say that we survived though and I'm psyched that we were there to see such an amazing event - I swear there had to be at least 350 people invited, and we were the minority! My first African-American wedding and I'm not sure I'll ever get to see anything quite like it again. It was spectacular, Tari was gorgeous, her family and husband were adorable and I had a reunion with several old old friends. Myles actually joined us there on Friday night before the wedding and Ru and El had some hesitation when he scooped them up in his arms at the airport. I think they were so psyched to see him because we had been talking about him for so long, and then the reality of Daddy and who he is seemed a little confusing. I mean, how good is your memory at 15 months of age? 2 weeks of not seeing someone can render them non-existant if you don't keep up the chatter about them. Seriously, they were kind of scared to see him. But after a couple minutes they wanted nothing to do with mom or me... it was all Dad. And he was so great with them at the wedding, running around and watching them while I tried to hang with my friends. Guess what, after a couple of lame pictures at the ceremony, my camera battery died again. I have no visuals from the fucking insanely beautiful reception! Ugh. You should have seen the size of these tents, the landscape, the band, and the way the girls looked in their party dresses, flopping around all giddy on these giant white couches in the cocktail tent - or running around the grassy lawn with sugar cane in their mouths. The perfect photo op all evening, and I was screwed.

So Myles comes back to Nantucket tomorrow and we will celebrate our 2 year anniversary one day late. Do you think we'll get in a fight on our annual dinner date again? That would be grand. Highly likely too, considering that I always get all nostalgic about how we used to be. Perhaps I'll keep my mouth shut this time and see if he might deliver a corny comment or two on his own. YIKES! I can't believe I'm going to have him with us for the entire month - it's going to be a huge treat - one that I probably won't have again until he retires. Weird, eh? I wonder if it will be good for us, or whether it will be a disaster.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Information PooperHighway

These days you open up emails left and right - each one of them sharing some disgustingly pared down pieces of "wisdom", telling you to pass the numbered list on to people who you think would agree or find it funny.

WHY? Will someone please tell me why? I really don't think these things are doing much at all, other than clogging our fucking inboxes and giving lame bloggers like me a reason to get grouchy. I mean, I'm all for those emails that are supposed to do good things (like politically angled ones, things that ask you to donate, or even petitions... even if they just end up doing nothing, they make me feel slightly worthy of decent karmic retribution) - but the fucking lists upon lists of horribly un-funny stuff... please spare me. PLEASE. All they do is remind me of how horrible office jobs are, and how many hours some employees waste emailing, reading crappy emails and having watercooler discussions as a result. Yes. I know... the Queen of All Procrastinators, Miss Nelson, professing to hate email "time wasters"... quite comical... but this one I received today just put me over the edge. In all honesty, I think I don't like it because of the very last line (which totally reveals the type of person who wrote it), but I just can't deal with the bad grammar and the vague references.

Shit. What am I saying? I'm all for generalizations, stereotyping and exaggeration when it makes a good story or embellishes gossip - but when the "information" that gets passed around the internet is trying to profess some sort of moral correctness - don't you think it should at least be grounded with at least one fact or statistic?

Here goes with the email:

>Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To
>anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.
>Bill Gates gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not
>and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically
>correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of
>reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
>Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
>Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will
>expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about
>Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You
>won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
>Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
>Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
>Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it
>Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine
>about your mistakes, learn from them.
>Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are
>now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes
>and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So
>before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's
>generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
>Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but
>life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and
>they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.
>This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
>Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off
>and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do
>that on your own time.
>Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually
>have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
>Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
>If you agree, pass it on.
> If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
>If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier!!

Seriously. The more I read it, the more annoyed I get. And I even agree with "Rules" 1 and 5... maybe 11 too, but why is it a Rule anyway? As for Rule 10, if you think TV is real life, we already know you have some serious problems - I don't think that the spoiled kids that have grown up with a progressive education that stresses self-esteem and a non-competitive environment (i.e.-no failing grades, etc.) would have trouble coping with the fact that characters on TV don't seem to have jobs.

Rule #7 is completely ridiculous. Completely. What's the rule? That you should de-louse your closet because you are a big, peace loving hippie whose parents loved you so much that you turned out to be a good person ?

Not all of life's skills need to be taught or learned at school, and not all of us need to win and lose or be given failing grades in order to replicate situations in "the real world". Some of us are lucky enough to have parents and family members who have tought us about the highs and lows of winning and losing, and the importance of trying hard in the face of adversity. There's plenty to learn from real life experiences, even if your school doesn't give out F's. I'm living proof that an education based in self-esteem and second, third and fourth chances with grades doesn't create a weak person without a sense of reality. And you know what? I do know that Bill Gates himself went to a groovy, oopy-goopy, self-esteem based private school growing up (you want the link? lakesideschool.org)... so really, it's tremendously silly for him to say that he comes from a generation with no concept of reality.

My point here? This incredible technology - this zeitgeist we are experiencing/participating in - makes some of us feel so goddamn powerful, and really, at the end of the day, these words are all just a bunch of fucking zeros and ones sloshing around in a broadband cyber-sewer.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Sandy Cracks

We took the girls on their first real beach visit - you know, with bathing suits, sunblock everywhere, sun hats and a picnic snack. It was HILARIOUS. The water is a bit too cold for even toddlers to love, I think. They seemed so timid about getting wet and were confused about the sand sticking to everything. The pails, shovels and watering can were a huge success though. Such entertainment! Getting to the beach and back, however, seems to involve a "staff" of people... thank god for my sister and my mom. I bet we'll be experts by the end of July.

So, I think this day was a huge eye opener in many ways. We have so much to look forward to with Ruby and Eloise loving Nantucket. There's just a ton of stuff to learn about and love here. Motor boats versus sailboats, playgrounds, big kids and taking turns, new friends, sand in all it's varieties, shells, stones, pebbles, seaweed, why you don't drink salt water, soggy diapers, naked swimming, hermit crabs, seagulls and why you don't feed them, beach grass, tick checks, sunsets, the moon at night and the moon in the day, campfires, roasting marshmallows and Downyflake doughnuts. Lots of "firsts" this summer.

Cousin Stephen and Blythe joined us for breakfast - their treat! So really, Stephen, you can get credit for getting my girls hooked on world's most divine doughnuts (unquestionably the best ever)! Ruby took one bite and made her goofy excited face, fists clenched and everything. She ate the whole thing saying mmmmmm and quivering. Eloise liked the doughnut too, but I have to admit, by the time she was eating it, I was up and chasing Ruby around the restaurant and I missed viewing her "experience". Gwennie fed her bacon though... also a success. Long live the Pork Product!

I can't wait for Myles to get here so he can dig huge holes in the sand and throw the girls in. He really is such a fun dad - like I sort of wish he was lame and boring so Eloise and Ruby wouldn't dig him so much - not because I'm jealous or feel like he'll sabotage my discipline (although that's probably inevitable too) or anything - but because I just feel sad that they totally adore him. It sucks to feel like he's missing all of these cool moments in his kids' lives now - and it makes me think about how he'll know them in all the years to come. I wonder if he understands just how much they love him. Every morning since I've been here, I go in to get them in their cribs and they say "MOMMY!" and then Eloise goes: "Daddy?" It breaks my heart . They are just so goddamn clever. HA!

Ew, so on a totally different note, I just have to comment on my new sensation wearing a bathing suit. Because I feel relatively unsexy in my one-piece number, (because I'm pretty much the same weight as I was before I had the babies but everything has relocated and taken on a different "texture") I've decided that there's just no sense in really really getting worked up about it. I decided that I have to believe that I look good. In the grand scheme of things, I'm fucking lucky as hell to be healthy and strong. I don't have 30 pounds to lose or any muscle that I need to build. I need to be psyched about what I've got because there is just no other option. I see my family members and friends constantly putting themselves down regarding how much weight they've gained here and there - how they need to eat more protein or how much they've been excercising. It drives me fucking crazy. No, really, let me say that again: comments about weight and physique drive me INSANE. I wish I could never ever talk about it again as long as I live. The only thing we should be concerned about is our overall health and what delicious things we can eat to maintain our longevity. I know the next big fad in weight loss will be the "eat a little bit of everything" diet and I'll be pissed that I didn't write the book myself. BTW, did you know that Hellman's Mayonnaise advertises itself as having 0% carbs? NO FUCKING WAY!!! Mayo... no carbs?? I'm hooked. Sign me up for the Hellman's diet plan. And while you're at it, can I have some eggs with a side of lard? ... because that doesn't have carbs either.

What I was originally getting at though is that I have a funny new way of dealing with my body and how to dress it. It's not the same, but I'm not going to hide my belly forever. It is what it is. But where do you draw the line between owning your sexy body and being a confident woman (i.e., saying fuck you to all the skinnies and obsessives out there), and looking downright gross bulging out of places here and there? A choice of clothing makes a huge statement, no?

Discuss. Please.

Monday, June 13, 2005

shouldn't you be napping?

After an insanely exhausting ferry ride to Nantucket with my dad, Ruby and Eloise finally fell asleep in their stroller just as we rounded the lighthouse into the harbor. I suppose it could have been much worse - but I never knew how crazy my babies could be, running in different directions on a rocky ship. Silly me. Like they were going to sit still for 2.5 hours and read stories...

Well, we celebrated the life of Momsmom yesterday and it was wonderful. The girls slept through the reception, which meant that I got to eat and chat to a few good people, and they were well behaved at the church. It felt nice to see the true nantucketers come out of the walls and get together and share memories. Nantucket is so amazing. Somehow even those of us who cannot stand what it's become still know what this place is all about... or maybe we just like feeling like we are important. Are we superior because we know the history of this place? I'm not so sure. Maybe we're just real. We love the sweet air, the isolation, the sand in all the cracks, the fog, the mildew and the debauchery that goes hand in hand with "island life". We like seeing the same people year after year, all weathered a bit more, the kids grown up, babies on the way, stories shared of other lives passing on, remembering how crazy we all were and how simple everything used to be. I think it's funny how we as people relate to the history of a place... how we fit into the memories.

Ugh. I could expand on this topic endlessly. Change! History! Place!... makes me think of Skyline Diner on Lex from my last visit to Manhattan.

Really though, what's wrong with me? I can't help but feel obligated to waste my precious nap time while my little nuggets are asleep. Is this blog thing theraputic? I'm not so sure. I do know that our entire family is disabled when it comes to prioritizing. You should see us all together. We are insane!

Friday, June 10, 2005


Okay, nobody told me how computer literate you have to be to get photos happening on your blog... I feel like such a boob. This should take some gettin used to. And did I forget to mention that we are leaving for Nantucket tomorrow morning and I barely started packing? Dang I hate computers. Fucking vortex sucking my precious naptime into nowhere.

Don't forget Ruby's nebulizer and meds, cozy blankies, bag of snacks for the car, sippy cups out my asshole, some books, some toys, diapers and wipes, big tub of A & D, sunblock, tampons for me, SOCKS AND SHOES, undies and bras, laundry in washer, water plants, feed cat, cell phone charger, baby monitor, CD's, iPod, bills, checkbook, braincells, razor & blades, shower gel, exfoliant, facewash, scrubby gloves, toothbrushes, jewelry, moisturizer, perfume, nice dresses, ADVIL, and little boxes of raisins. Christ almighty! Those little boxes of raisins are such a huge success. Bless the dried out grapes that re-hydrate in your digestive tract.

Miss Nelson IS Missing!

Ridiculous. It took me how long to figure out I needed to blog? Way too long. At least 3 years too late.

So, this could be such a great solution to all of my problems. Thank you to Chelsea and Megan for sending me on my way into BloggyLand...

Or is that DoogieLand? Dr. Howser, you always were my inspiration behind computer diary confessionals.

Now the real question is, does anybody remember the famous kids book "Miss Nelson is Missing"? You know, where this nice kindergarten teacher is plagued each day by a poorly behaved group of students - so she mysteriously disappears one day, and she is replaced by a sketchy witch-like character named Miss Viola Swamp who miraculously scares all of her students into behaving... so that the day Miss Nelson returns to teaching, her class is respectful and thankful to have her back. (End of book shows an illustration of Miss Nelson's bedroom with the Viola Swamp costume in the closet...)

ANYWAY - this Miss Nelson IS missing. She has completely lost all control of her old self, her babies, her relationship with her husband, her ability to comfortably put on a beautiful outfit. So the former Miss Nelson, now Mrs. Webster, will be on a brief mental vacation in Bloggerville while she attempts to tame her brain back to behaving like an unmarried, independent hipster. (Ew. Apologies for the 3rd person-speak.)

I will masquerade around here as Mollie Holliday - because I never really made good use of that cutsie company name - and plan to shock myself into getting things done for my family and remember what makes me ME.

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.

Big Kiss

Big Kiss
Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
This was a while ago... we now kind of know how to close our mouths when kissing.

Mom and the Gals

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.
What would we do without handknit hats?

Miss Ruby

Originally uploaded by mollieholliday.


This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.