Tuesday, June 06, 2006

wind knocked in

For those of you who care to know, we have successfully moved our belongings to Providence. Our home has been under some light construction and is currently getting painted. New appliances and new beds arrive on Friday - so we are staying with my mom while we wait things out. The funny thing is that I am completely filled up with every possible emotion. Saturated with nerves... my body is having these incredible sensations, most of which come from my chest (no, it's not a panic attack, but perhaps "generalized anxiety") and it makes me awfully aware of my diaphragm. I like to describe it as the opposite of having the wind knocked out of you. I'm so full of air, my ribs splay out, my heart just wants to burst out like a balloon - and in this moment I forget to exhale. I'm just kind of sucking in... stuff. The moment is simultaneously exhilarating and exhausting.

But this doesn't mean I'm not having fun. In fact, I'm trying really hard to focus on the practical shit when we visit the house... tiling the kitchen, organizing the basement, watching the kids play in their new play house, getting excited about tacky laminate flooring in a hallway. We have some excellent distractions, but when I get a moment to myself (like when I'm browsing the skincare aisle of CVS) I could just explode. What the hell did we just do?... oh yeah... we bought a house... and in 2 weeks I won't see my husband except for a few tired hours a week... and I flat out left a place where I have spent almost all of my post-college years.

Two days before we left Burlington the Websters participated in the Marathon relay. I did manage to complete the 6.5 (in under 60 minutes!) and it was an excellent way to say my goodbyes to the town. That run down Church Street with every person cheering, the run by the lake (my perfect Lake on a sunshiny day!), and then onto the insane taiko drummers carrying me up the hill - literally - my hair was standing on end, I had goosebumps everywhere and I felt like a machine. We should all run a race at some point in our lives - because once you get over the fact that you are probably not going to win (and hell, you could come in dead last) you can appreciate the sensation of a great community event, and you can always remember that your feet allowed you to take a trip to a place you might never have visited. (I completely revel in the fact that a race allows you to run in city streets... on the yellow line sometimes... they stop traffic for you, etc..)

Which reminds me, I should keep running. That's the only time that I can count on my breath going in and out just the right way and it doesn't get caught. Often I talk myself out of a run - for fear of the boredom of being on the road alone.

Time to find a running partner I guess.

p.s. - no photos to post because i'm on my dad's computer... just wait 'til you see my mad phat Bob Villa skills on the kitchen backsplash.

1 comment:

MamaC said...

Mollieeeeeee! I wish I'd seen you at that marathon, so I could have cheered you on and said goodbye. I can't wait to come see your backsplash sometime. :)