Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Ruby has been battling a nasty stomach bug since Sunday evening and I'm really really tired of soupy diapers. It's so sad to see her all droopy lidded, dehydrated and exhausted. Seeing her sick reminds me that she's a really energetic and chatty little kid. She's a total nutball though. Apparently she told Eloise, "Mommy is on a diaper run" while I was out today...

As for me, I'm just packing up all of our shit gradually and happily discarding all things that come into question. For example, I just gave away a perfectly good Patagonia jacket that I'm sick of... I've had it for 4 years and I'm kinda over it. In the past I might have held on to it though, thinking that some day I might really really love to reach into the closet and pull out that familiar fleece thing. You really can't "re-vamp" Patagonia. But my vintage chinese jacket... now that's a different story altogether.

Yesterday I was completely depressed about leaving this special town. The weather was pristine, the views of the lake were beyond perfect, I went running on the bikepath, we went to the playground, I got food at the market and we never had to get in our car to get anywhere. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to being a slave to the automobile once we get to Providence. Everybody says we will adjust really quickly... but what if I don't want to? Driving my stealth minivan sometimes makes me angry! What ever happend to the days of my zippy little Golf?

Which brings a funny topic up actually... I have been thinking a lot about how I can barely remember what my life before having children was really like. These days we (moms and dads) seem to spend a large chunk of time obsessing over our children to the extent that we are literally living only for a life outside of our bodies. I mean, Ruby and Eloise are such a part of me now that I cannot remember what or who I used to be. I know that sounds ridiculous... and I don't mean to seem insensitive towards children... but I am really annoyed about the expectations of parenthood (be they self-imposed or culturally imposed) these days. Perhaps all of this thought is stemmed from our application process to a Montessori school in Providence. Ru and El have to go in to be "observed" on Monday morning before we close on our house. It just makes me wonder what a "happy childhood" is supposed to look like these days. Is it fair to send them to "school" twice a week when they are 2 years old? I mean, what's the rush? Well, I've already looked into some pre-K programs and they all have portions of their applications that want to know about prior "playgroups, activities or schooling" that they might have previously received! Why should I care? And what happens if I make the choice not to care and send them to public school in Kindergarten? Seriously. It's enough to drive the wife of a surgical resident INSANE... and we haven't even moved yet.

Phew. That feels better now. Sometimes I wonder why I keep a blog... but those little stream-of-consciousness moments like the above paragraph seem to brighten up my days.

Now I'm off to upload some photos for you El and Ru junkies. Shalom.

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