Tuesday, February 10, 2009

sucked up

I know I've been out of touch but I haven't been able to justify blog entries as a decent way to spend my time. Instead I've decided to eat cookies on the couch while watching recorded episodes of America Idol, Top Chef and Intervention. It's all very healthy, really.

Amidst the endless coughing and runny noses the big girls have learned how to ski. I can't even begin to illustrate the pride and joy I felt as I watched them zooming back and forth down the little slope at the Dartmouth Skiway... then off to the j-bar, like it was some skill they were born with. In my excitement I went out and purchased my very first pair of skis! I have been a skier on and off throughout my life, but I always rented... now I have no excuse but to get my ass out there. I have to admit, I do like the chair lift just as much as I like the skiing-down part. Shit, I could write a short story about the chair lift...

We have enjoyed a couple of skating days as well - one in particular stands out because it was in Ru and El's classmate's back yard. There is a group of houses that share their yards in the center of town, and they ice over a large patch of grass, set up a few picnic tables and 2 fire pits. Add a large pot of hot chocolate... instant coziness. Norwich is fucking cool.

It has been difficult to keep any of my own thoughts straight amidst all of the winter fun. I mean, I have managed to attend two movies and play 2 nights of tennis, I saw a folk guitar player, attended 2 family contra dances, eaten a "local foods" supper, and even braved a contra dance by myself (weird... really fucking weird, but such an experience). I went swimming with Lyllah and her niece at the new aquatics center and then headed over to check out her boyfriend's farm... we saw a lamb that was born that morning. People all around us don't seem phased by winter and thankfully this has helped me not resent it. The cold weather is a given, making 20 degrees seem more than reasonable, and a 62 degree house seem bearable when you step out of the shower.

With the continuation of my therapy and some patchy (okay, two) couples therapy sessions, I have started to pay attention to me... I have abandoned my semi-martyr mentality from the past! (Liberating.) Life is richer in a way - or busier at least.

On the down side, I think I have really pulled away from Myles. Somehow that seems okay. Scary and okay, all at once. I have had a bunch of moments (now being yet another one) where I remember how capable I am when I'm on my own. The nights that Myles spends at the hospital seemed painful and scary when we first moved here (and even more so when we lived in Providence), and now they feel almost delightful. There's something really odd that happens when Myles comes home, like I want to throw all of my responsibilities at him or make him do equal amounts of kid care and house maintenance. Making our lives function together as a unit has become painstaking, and we quietly argue about the most inane crap. I hate having to admit stuff like this. It's not flattering and plenty of you are wondering why I would share such personal information - but I'm working it out. When I hide for a month and keep secrets from everyone my thoughts are sucked up into a dark and useless part of my brain. Getting all of this garbage out to my far away people serves as motivation.

Which reminds me, where are you everybody? Come and play up here. The winters are better in these parts.

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