Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Honesty... Policy

As I just typed the title out I felt my heart get huge. I can hear it throbbing in my head now and my toes feel numb.

I'm not being fair to myself by never writing about how difficult my relationship with Myles happens to be. Plenty of you readers know some of our struggles... you know how we have operated as a unit for about 12-13 years now... but with all this moving around and child-keeping, we have suffered. It's a horrible horrible sad reality that I am completely terrified to address in any real way. I am not really honest with YOU about how much I hurt on a daily basis, I am not really honest with Myles about how icky I feel about us, I am not really honest with my children (actually, I try to keep them from any emotional turmoil, which is neither honest nor real) and most importantly this means I am not honest with myself.

I started some therapy the other day, which has sparked this particular blog. It has some potential to cause MAJOR DISASTER for me.

For us.

So I'm attempting to be honest. Just a little bit. And then maybe you will have to read between the lines in the entries down the road.

Or it will all get juicier.

1 comment:

Lauren said...

Facing hard shit SUCKS, but it's so (annoyingly) important. I'm proud of you.