Our Nantucket "vacation" will be over in 2 days - and although I know we will be back again, it always hurts a little to leave this paradise. As I mentioned before I am without camera... and having fallen in love with my digital SLR last summer (literally, rediscovering some instant creative gratification) I have had to digest every visual moment that passes here in a different way. I'm constantly adding to a mental list of all of the things I would have taken a picture of: Penny's sweet face with birthday cupcake all over it, Ru and El twirling in their fancy twirly skirts in the grass, giant, frightening waves at Miacomet beach, tiny wet stones at low tide, drip castles on the sand bar, jellyfish and hermit crabs, my mom's 65th birthday cake and this lovely old funky house. We are headed for a big kitchen and 3 bedroom renovation here come September and I'm feeling kind of torn about it. This kitchen has been part of my summers for 28 years - and I can't tell you how many naughty shenanigans have taken place on the center island table. How many quarters were bounced... that circular burn from a bong... the tequila shot messes, etc.. If my camera were here I would do my best to record the nuances of our crowded old kitchen, the over-stocked and disorganized pantry that you have to duck into.
Maybe it's just me, maybe I've been one of those lucky few who gets to return year after year to the same fantasy place of our childhood. But now I get to share that nostalgia with my children and it makes me completely nutty and contemplative. I get THOUGHT HEAVY when I'm here. Sometimes I even think I hear my heart beating like a ticking clock as I lie on the beach (which nowadays lasts for 30 seconds before I have to rescue a baby from the perils of the ocean) and wonder how in the world did I not cherish every youthful, sensuous, gorgeous second on this island. I can see that the twins have fallen in love with Nantucket already. They tell me what smells yummy on the way to the beach (in all the right spots) and they obsess over the same toys and board games that I played with when I was little. They are consistently spoiled and given sweets by their doting, delicious and cozy grandmother. My mom packs the most excellent cooler full of food for the beach... napkins included.
But back to me being thought-heavy... ugh. It gets heavy! I keep wondering what the next step is for me and when I'm going to feel ready to get back into a creative career... and WHY I need to plan this out. I wish it would just unfold, but I'm finally certain that I am a bad planner, and if I could organize my thoughts for the future adequately then maybe, just maybe some day we could buy our own Nantucket cottage down the road. Maybe I could have an art show here one day. Maybe I could have a print studio and give print classes to kids for the summer. Maybe I could let go of being "a really good mom" as a profession.
I honestly cannot conceive of the balance and organization that it would take for a person like me to be a part-time working mom. It sounds spoiled, I know... most people have it way worse than I do... but I am owning up to my complete and total incapacity when it comes to pursuing my career. I have been enabled by my incredibly generous mother! That's the sad reality.
It feels both good and horribly embarrassing to say all of this.
So Damn you Nantucket for drawing overly sappy, introspective blog entries out of me. And Fuck You Nikon D40 for disappearing and making me write too much.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Visuals Down!
Oh how sad. I've lost my camera... and i'm too lazy to deal with uploading my iPhone photos for the moment. But without a visual record I'm paying extra special attention to all of the details of our Nantucket vacation.
I missed my 5th anniversary with Myles. He was post call anyway so I figured he might have slept the day away and we aren't necessarily the ceremonious type. This time apart gives me a little more time to sit with the concept of a PAPER gift to commemorate 5 years of marriage. ( I'd be happy giving a paper gift every year.)
Ruby and Eloise are incredible little 4 year olds enjoying all of the details of a charmed summer vacation space.
Penny will be 1 on July 3rd - and no longer nurses. Three days of not nursing and no big deal. She's more interested in cars, bicycles, balls and walking to be bother with boobs.
Sad I guess, but she wasn't a huge nursing fan anyway. I kept trying to make it a cozy time for us to share together, and eventually i felt like I was forcing it into our routine. Weird. Considering that I probably won't have another child, that portion of my life is over. (Feast on that thought fellow women... your child-bearing and useful mammary phase is over... what next?? Mid-life crisis?)
For final notes I'm going to address three topics that have occupied my mind recently, and you can discuss them with your friends:
*Why are 12 year old babysitters the best babysitter?
*What is the significance of having children if you (and your partner) don't spend the majority of your time taking care of them?
*What is the importance of having lots of STUFF? What is it like to be able to afford anything you want?
I missed my 5th anniversary with Myles. He was post call anyway so I figured he might have slept the day away and we aren't necessarily the ceremonious type. This time apart gives me a little more time to sit with the concept of a PAPER gift to commemorate 5 years of marriage. ( I'd be happy giving a paper gift every year.)
Ruby and Eloise are incredible little 4 year olds enjoying all of the details of a charmed summer vacation space.
Penny will be 1 on July 3rd - and no longer nurses. Three days of not nursing and no big deal. She's more interested in cars, bicycles, balls and walking to be bother with boobs.
Sad I guess, but she wasn't a huge nursing fan anyway. I kept trying to make it a cozy time for us to share together, and eventually i felt like I was forcing it into our routine. Weird. Considering that I probably won't have another child, that portion of my life is over. (Feast on that thought fellow women... your child-bearing and useful mammary phase is over... what next?? Mid-life crisis?)
For final notes I'm going to address three topics that have occupied my mind recently, and you can discuss them with your friends:
*Why are 12 year old babysitters the best babysitter?
*What is the significance of having children if you (and your partner) don't spend the majority of your time taking care of them?
*What is the importance of having lots of STUFF? What is it like to be able to afford anything you want?
Saturday, June 21, 2008
"back-to-the-land"
We are here and we own land. Ten acres of real land. We have a lawn that leads down to some woods, which lead down to a meadow. I thought having 3.5 bathrooms was exciting... but then I saw the meadow and I realized that this new home is all about the OUTSIDE and not necessarily the inside. (Well, the inside is incredible to... but wouldn't you rather hear about a meadow?) I mean, when was the last time you saw a meadow? (A Central Park meadow does not count.) Once I find my camera I'll take a picture of the girls standing in the grass. It might reach their chins, and is probably filled with ticks, but we'll head out in the tall grass so you get the idea.
Ruby and Eloise have adjusted really well to this new place. They have helped me set up my herb garden, they have taken a couple of good walks in the woods looking for snails, mushrooms and deer tracks, they have written letters to friends from school... it's been pretty great. My friend's sister already scored us a nice babysitter last night and Myles and I went out for the first time in about 6 months. I'm actually waiting for something terrible to happen because I'm feeling extremely lucky. Maybe this brief moment of "happiness" is just payback for the turmoil and uncertainty that we've been presented with Myles' career path over the past few years. Whatever it is - I cannot describe how elated I feel when I wake up in the morning to birds chirping all around, and I can see nothing but trees, hilltops and sky. Our bedroom makes me feel like I'm at a spa. I kid you not.
Maybe my dark cloud lurks just around the corner, when I'm stuck managing 3 kids and Myles isn't home for 30 hours at a time. But owning this property is a crazy crazy treat. I suppose I should enjoy the sunshine while it lasts.
Oh, speaking of treats... Miss Penny has figured out how to walk on her tiny, pudgy feet - and she's fast! She also has discovered how to hold a crayon and vandalize when nobody is looking. Perhaps she was watching Ruby drawing "E"s with craypas all over the Little Tykes play house and decided she wanted to play naughty too. Which leads me to ask, did Ruby really think that I'd be fooled with the E's? (That kind of cleverness deserves it's own post. My girls have become quite the smartasses.)
So to punctuate this entry I am going to invite any of you to come and visit whenever you can. There is plenty of room - and I'd like to take you for a little walk in our woods. By then I'll have learned how to forage for wild leeks and morels... savory tarts all around! No really. The best thing about our land is that I get to share it with people. So call now to book your weekend.
Ruby and Eloise have adjusted really well to this new place. They have helped me set up my herb garden, they have taken a couple of good walks in the woods looking for snails, mushrooms and deer tracks, they have written letters to friends from school... it's been pretty great. My friend's sister already scored us a nice babysitter last night and Myles and I went out for the first time in about 6 months. I'm actually waiting for something terrible to happen because I'm feeling extremely lucky. Maybe this brief moment of "happiness" is just payback for the turmoil and uncertainty that we've been presented with Myles' career path over the past few years. Whatever it is - I cannot describe how elated I feel when I wake up in the morning to birds chirping all around, and I can see nothing but trees, hilltops and sky. Our bedroom makes me feel like I'm at a spa. I kid you not.
Maybe my dark cloud lurks just around the corner, when I'm stuck managing 3 kids and Myles isn't home for 30 hours at a time. But owning this property is a crazy crazy treat. I suppose I should enjoy the sunshine while it lasts.
Oh, speaking of treats... Miss Penny has figured out how to walk on her tiny, pudgy feet - and she's fast! She also has discovered how to hold a crayon and vandalize when nobody is looking. Perhaps she was watching Ruby drawing "E"s with craypas all over the Little Tykes play house and decided she wanted to play naughty too. Which leads me to ask, did Ruby really think that I'd be fooled with the E's? (That kind of cleverness deserves it's own post. My girls have become quite the smartasses.)
So to punctuate this entry I am going to invite any of you to come and visit whenever you can. There is plenty of room - and I'd like to take you for a little walk in our woods. By then I'll have learned how to forage for wild leeks and morels... savory tarts all around! No really. The best thing about our land is that I get to share it with people. So call now to book your weekend.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Strong Dislike
I hate packing. I fucking hate it. I always said I'd pay to have the movers pack for me if I had to move again, but considering how impractical that all seems, we decided to do the majority of it ourselves. I'm dreading those final boxes that we pack labeled "MISC."... and the annoyance that results when you can't figure out the right way to pack garbage cans, power strips, brooms, telephones and perishables at the last second. And then it's usually impossible to find that very box when you get to your final destination... what box did we put the dish rack in? Oh, and did I even consider to pack clothing in something other than a "wardrobe box"? Because I might be wearing the same black tank tops for the next 3 months...
My home that I made cozy over the last 2 years is being dismantled and is crumbling into dustbunnies. Our walls are empty. I'm dreading the wrap-up party for the fragile shit in the china cabinet. Padding the champagne flutes makes me nervous. And the antique sugar bowl from my mom's cousin...
The kids toys and the kitchen will be the last things to get packed, for fear of bringing on too much emotional trauma too quickly in the mind of the 4 year old! Meanwhile, I'm feeling on and off sick... trying to piece together the "right" way to approach this relocation. Will it be permanent? Do I want it to be? Am I going to throw in the towel and settle on being a Vermonter for the rest of my life? Will I ever EVER get to visit Manhattan in the next 2 years? Why is the Manchester airport 1.5 hours from Norwich? Why is Nantucket even farther than that?
In this swirl of Unknowns I'm frightened of how apathetic I am. I don't really care about my own mental health because I'm too concerned about my sensitive little monkeys that have to leave their best friends and excellent school. I literally have gotten really good at shrugging my shoulders over this process... we moved to NYC in 2001, we moved back to Burlington in 2002, and then again to another Burlington spot in 2003, and then left Burlington for Providence in 2006. Experts! Myles likes to tell me that the average American family moves 3-5 times in their lifetime. But that just gives me another reason to believe that Americans are a bunch of misdirected loonies!
On that note, I've killed my reserve battery power... goodnight.
My home that I made cozy over the last 2 years is being dismantled and is crumbling into dustbunnies. Our walls are empty. I'm dreading the wrap-up party for the fragile shit in the china cabinet. Padding the champagne flutes makes me nervous. And the antique sugar bowl from my mom's cousin...
The kids toys and the kitchen will be the last things to get packed, for fear of bringing on too much emotional trauma too quickly in the mind of the 4 year old! Meanwhile, I'm feeling on and off sick... trying to piece together the "right" way to approach this relocation. Will it be permanent? Do I want it to be? Am I going to throw in the towel and settle on being a Vermonter for the rest of my life? Will I ever EVER get to visit Manhattan in the next 2 years? Why is the Manchester airport 1.5 hours from Norwich? Why is Nantucket even farther than that?
In this swirl of Unknowns I'm frightened of how apathetic I am. I don't really care about my own mental health because I'm too concerned about my sensitive little monkeys that have to leave their best friends and excellent school. I literally have gotten really good at shrugging my shoulders over this process... we moved to NYC in 2001, we moved back to Burlington in 2002, and then again to another Burlington spot in 2003, and then left Burlington for Providence in 2006. Experts! Myles likes to tell me that the average American family moves 3-5 times in their lifetime. But that just gives me another reason to believe that Americans are a bunch of misdirected loonies!
On that note, I've killed my reserve battery power... goodnight.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
High Speed Countdown
Where does all the time go? Already we have tackled many of our spring "milestones"... Wheeler School Field Day, our "Going Away/Birthday Party", Teacher Appreciation Day, many friends' birthdays. My sister moved into her new house (she's expecting a baby in the fall), we have pretty much sold ours (lucky!), Penny can climb the stairs and has started to sign some words. Now all we have to do is manage a trip to Manhattan this weekend, prepare for 2 "Star of the Day" days at school, have a goodbye function at school, go to a final swim class and have an end of the year ballet performance. Oh, and we have to pack up this entire house.
What the hell people?
I cannot believe I have to leave this place. I have such a love of Providence and all things Rhode Island. I'll be leaving with my brand new bottle of Autocrat Coffee Syrup... to make coffee milk with good VT dairy! Now all I need is a case of frozen "stuffies" and a shipment of gingerbread muffins from Seven Stars Bakery. What about all of my sweet neighbors and all of Ruby and Eloise's lovely friends? What about my glamorous consignment shop that pays me good money for my old clothes? What about my cat? Will he be eaten alive in the woods of Norwich?
So many unknowns... but as the clock ticks, I'm pretty good about living in denial and coasting along like nothings really going to change. I did the same thing when we left Burlington, and it seemed to work out alright.
I'll let you know when I stop eating and break out into hives.
Stay tuned for my photo posts.
What the hell people?
I cannot believe I have to leave this place. I have such a love of Providence and all things Rhode Island. I'll be leaving with my brand new bottle of Autocrat Coffee Syrup... to make coffee milk with good VT dairy! Now all I need is a case of frozen "stuffies" and a shipment of gingerbread muffins from Seven Stars Bakery. What about all of my sweet neighbors and all of Ruby and Eloise's lovely friends? What about my glamorous consignment shop that pays me good money for my old clothes? What about my cat? Will he be eaten alive in the woods of Norwich?
So many unknowns... but as the clock ticks, I'm pretty good about living in denial and coasting along like nothings really going to change. I did the same thing when we left Burlington, and it seemed to work out alright.
I'll let you know when I stop eating and break out into hives.
Stay tuned for my photo posts.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Hit the B Square
I love the idea of tackling this kind of dance project. A few weeks ago I was at a "book group" night with my lady friends discussing the very importance of our choreographed pop songs on bad boom boxes. We all had stories and favorite soundtracks... like my friend Heather who fondly remembers doing her Billy Jean routine to her dog (the only family member who cared).
Did I ever tell any of you that I thought this song was called "Hit the B Square"?
Did I ever tell any of you that I thought this song was called "Hit the B Square"?
Friday, May 09, 2008
"Movin' On Up"
NO, we aren't moving quite yet, but I though I'd post a photo or two of our future home. This will be our kitchen. I CANNOT believe we are lucky enough to deserve such a space. It freaks me out just looking at those windows! Will this really be ours?
Monday, April 28, 2008
Stinky Cheese Face
Ru and El went to the most insane Princess birthday party a few weeks ago. The goody bag was enormous and filled with at least $15 worth of crap... and there were at least 12 little princesses in attendance. Princess Belle came and painted their faces, sang songs and played games with them. They were served a healthy lunch and a gourmet birthday cake (that looked like it was made by the Ace of Cakes on the Food Network)... all of this at the fucking Agawam Hunt Club. It was amazing, but I have to say I'm excited to get our asses to Vermont so we can bring some perspective back into our kids lives.
Wait until I tell you about their first sleep-over at their best friend Sophie's house. (It involves a large bubble bath, Baby Bulgari Perfume, dinner at a Japanese steak house, etc.)
This particular photo was taken after the birthday party. Ruby's new thing is to make stinky cheese face for pictures. Oh, and don't you love that she wanted a pink unicorn painted on her cheek?
My house is overflowing with unicorns.
Wait until I tell you about their first sleep-over at their best friend Sophie's house. (It involves a large bubble bath, Baby Bulgari Perfume, dinner at a Japanese steak house, etc.)
This particular photo was taken after the birthday party. Ruby's new thing is to make stinky cheese face for pictures. Oh, and don't you love that she wanted a pink unicorn painted on her cheek?
My house is overflowing with unicorns.
9 months of Penelope
At this point, some of you have already seen this photo... and considering that Penny will be 10 months soon, I thought I should post this dumpling shot.
I cannot explain how hard it is to keep my teeth off of her. Her Fleshy-ness has magical powers over me. Sometimes I refer to her as Ms. Fleshypants, or DJ Fleshy Flesh. Wait until her thighs tan up this summer... she can't keep the sun away!
I cannot explain how hard it is to keep my teeth off of her. Her Fleshy-ness has magical powers over me. Sometimes I refer to her as Ms. Fleshypants, or DJ Fleshy Flesh. Wait until her thighs tan up this summer... she can't keep the sun away!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
needs and wants
I got my hair cut yesterday - and despite my requests to have a cut like Padma's on Top Chef, I ended up with something shorter and slightly more "suburban-housewife" than I had hoped. Now, Providence isn't exactly the hippest place on the planet, but there is a nice little downtown area that is trying to establish itself as a Soho-like place to shop. Needless to say, I haven't done any shopping there (or anywhere for that matter) in the last year, and there are some lovely little boutiques with pricey clothes and jewelry. After feeling slightly "updated" into a more cosmopolitan status with my freshly cut locks, I walked out of my glam salon and browsed a couple of these shops. What a bad idea! It hasn't occurred to me how hideous my wardrobe has become because I just don't get out much... clearly shopping with 3 kids is impossible, and convincing Myles that I need to go shopping doesn't cut it. He always says, "Oh. So you NEED pair of jeans?" I'm tired of convincing him that jeans from 3 years ago don't make me feel good... and that the knees are all blown out and make me look like I'm an extra in Footloose.
Holy shit though. Even if did buy the new jeans I wanted, it would cost me over $100. This is the kind of stuff I want. I don't want Old Navy and Gap. I don't even want J Crew. What is wrong with me people? I gave up my super-trashy weekly magazines, but I cling to my tacky subscriptions to Lucky, Domino and Vogue. I know that's partly what makes me WANT WANT WANT. Otherwise I'm not sure I'd pay much attention. But these crappy periodicals are like my little lifeline to my former self. Miss Nelson. Remember her? I kind of do. She liked living in the city, shopping for trendy shit at sample sales and blowing money on expensive dinners and drinks... she took good care of her fingers and toes, she smelled nice and had good haircuts. Always appropriately waxed. But then Miss Nelson had kids.
Poof!
Miss Nelson is still missing...
My materialism has become so complicated that I decided to reconsider my "wants" and narrow them down to true "needs" - Because ultimately there are more important things to consider - like how you pay the bills and maintain good credit so we can buy a house. But no matter how hard I try to give up some of my former obsessions, I can't ignore that voice in my head that says, "Who have you become? And how did you become this new person so willingly?"
There's nothing like a move back to Vermont to make me feel in touch with my inner City Girl. (Perhaps it wasn't a haircut that I was looking for yesterday, but a confirmation that I'm still ME deep down. And when I say haircut, I'm talking about the kind of salon that gives you a latte when you arrive and scrubs your head for 15 minutes... aaahhh.) So yes, despite my recent dry and frugal moments, I'm still a crazy glutton. I appreciate over-priced fashion. I still can easily spend $20 on import cheese without guilt. What will Norwich VT do with me? Fuck. I mean, I think we are buying a house from a Mormon family! (Any suggestions on how to cleanse the house from the spirit of Joseph Smith?)
Well, back to my initial point, I have decided that I can't let a location change take any of the remaining sass out of me... I'm so afraid to be stuck in hideous footwear for 8 months out of the year. When there is snow on the ground most of the time, you become practical and frumpy - how BORING.
Clearly I'm exaggerating about this Fear of the Frump, but I see it as a reflection of some other pending adjustments that I have to make in my mind. Like how I am afraid of taking Ruby and Eloise out of an incredible school and plopping them into a mediocre 4 day a week program... ew.
see! I'm such a fucking snot.
Busted.
Holy shit though. Even if did buy the new jeans I wanted, it would cost me over $100. This is the kind of stuff I want. I don't want Old Navy and Gap. I don't even want J Crew. What is wrong with me people? I gave up my super-trashy weekly magazines, but I cling to my tacky subscriptions to Lucky, Domino and Vogue. I know that's partly what makes me WANT WANT WANT. Otherwise I'm not sure I'd pay much attention. But these crappy periodicals are like my little lifeline to my former self. Miss Nelson. Remember her? I kind of do. She liked living in the city, shopping for trendy shit at sample sales and blowing money on expensive dinners and drinks... she took good care of her fingers and toes, she smelled nice and had good haircuts. Always appropriately waxed. But then Miss Nelson had kids.
Poof!
Miss Nelson is still missing...
My materialism has become so complicated that I decided to reconsider my "wants" and narrow them down to true "needs" - Because ultimately there are more important things to consider - like how you pay the bills and maintain good credit so we can buy a house. But no matter how hard I try to give up some of my former obsessions, I can't ignore that voice in my head that says, "Who have you become? And how did you become this new person so willingly?"
There's nothing like a move back to Vermont to make me feel in touch with my inner City Girl. (Perhaps it wasn't a haircut that I was looking for yesterday, but a confirmation that I'm still ME deep down. And when I say haircut, I'm talking about the kind of salon that gives you a latte when you arrive and scrubs your head for 15 minutes... aaahhh.) So yes, despite my recent dry and frugal moments, I'm still a crazy glutton. I appreciate over-priced fashion. I still can easily spend $20 on import cheese without guilt. What will Norwich VT do with me? Fuck. I mean, I think we are buying a house from a Mormon family! (Any suggestions on how to cleanse the house from the spirit of Joseph Smith?)
Well, back to my initial point, I have decided that I can't let a location change take any of the remaining sass out of me... I'm so afraid to be stuck in hideous footwear for 8 months out of the year. When there is snow on the ground most of the time, you become practical and frumpy - how BORING.
Clearly I'm exaggerating about this Fear of the Frump, but I see it as a reflection of some other pending adjustments that I have to make in my mind. Like how I am afraid of taking Ruby and Eloise out of an incredible school and plopping them into a mediocre 4 day a week program... ew.
see! I'm such a fucking snot.
Busted.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Live Free Or Die
Apologies for my lack of photos... they have yet to make it onto my computer after our long trip.
But more importantly, we are headed back into the mountains. Myles ended up having to scramble into a Pediatrics residency spot at Dartmouth. I guess the anesthesia programs of the northeast weren't ranking him, so he chose the best possible option. And the funny thing is that I think it's ultimately the best fit for him. He just doesn't know it yet.
People keep asking me how I'm doing. I'm responding with a lot of nervous grins and uncomfortable "you know, I think things like this happen for a reason" comments.
Do things like this happen for a reason? Maybe they do for the sake of showing Myles that he has a gift for working with children...
But what lesson am I learning?
Occasionally in a relationship there is compromise... and other times we throw up our arms and surrender.
But more importantly, we are headed back into the mountains. Myles ended up having to scramble into a Pediatrics residency spot at Dartmouth. I guess the anesthesia programs of the northeast weren't ranking him, so he chose the best possible option. And the funny thing is that I think it's ultimately the best fit for him. He just doesn't know it yet.
People keep asking me how I'm doing. I'm responding with a lot of nervous grins and uncomfortable "you know, I think things like this happen for a reason" comments.
Do things like this happen for a reason? Maybe they do for the sake of showing Myles that he has a gift for working with children...
But what lesson am I learning?
Occasionally in a relationship there is compromise... and other times we throw up our arms and surrender.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
and we're off...
All five of us Websters are headed to Disney World for a week starting Saturday morning. My mom and dad and my brother's entire family will be there too - and coincidentally another family from Ru and El's old Montessori school. There should be lots and lots of ridiculous princess crap happening... as well as disgusting unhealthy food, overtired, spoiled and misbehaving children, the occasional rash or sunburn and a lot of laughing. Oh, and swimming. And spending money. (ouch.)
The idea that I have to pack for myself and 3 little girls is pretty overwhelming, which is why I need to get off this fucking machine and get to work.
Did I mention that Penny can crawl AND pull herself up now? And Ruby and Eloise turn 4 tomorrow. And we find out if we have to move again on March 20th. Lots going on in this head of mine.
Prepare yourselves for some super special photos and an update on our future when we return...
The idea that I have to pack for myself and 3 little girls is pretty overwhelming, which is why I need to get off this fucking machine and get to work.
Did I mention that Penny can crawl AND pull herself up now? And Ruby and Eloise turn 4 tomorrow. And we find out if we have to move again on March 20th. Lots going on in this head of mine.
Prepare yourselves for some super special photos and an update on our future when we return...
Friday, February 29, 2008
A Light in the Attic
Shel Silverstein. Genius! Who remembers the book "The Giving Tree"? You all MUST remember that one, right?
It begins, "Once there was a tree... and she loved a little boy..." and the tree gives all of herself to the boy as he grows and grows into a greedy grown-up and eventually chops her down to a stump. And it continues from there, "And the tree was happy... but not really." Eventually the boy returns as an old man and needs a place to rest, so he sits on the stump. Again, "the tree was happy".
End of story. So was the tree really happy? Were we all destined to be greedy like the boy?
Today "The Giving Tree" makes more sense than it did when I was young - on so many different levels. When you are young, you relate to the boy, but as a parent now I feel completely in touch with the tree! I understand unconditional giving. You give and give and give every moment to your child that you can. At times I've felt like I wanted to burst from the pressures of self-sacrifice - initially it was such a hard adjustment for me and I was so angry at the world. Why did I feel like I was throwing away my former self for my kids? Why did I have to do this, and why did I feel so guilty about NOT liking the process of giving? I was happy... but not really.
Well, last night Ruby and Eloise recited a short poem to me from memory. It was a Shel Silverstein poem about taking a snowball under the covers - "and when I woke it had wet my bed" (insert goofy kid laughter). So I went and got out Myles' tattered copy of "Where the Sidewalk Ends". More Shel. We picked poems and I happily read all of these memories to my girls. At times I didn't even have to look at the words because they were pouring out of an odd memory bank in the back of my brain. It felt so good. Here were these things that I vividly remember from my childhood! These excellent nonsense poems about dogs with two tails, three guys who go for a ride in a flying shoe, and the unicorns who missed their ride on Noah's ark. Ru and El have hit the age where I will be able to share and appreciate these excellent pieces of literature, not just picture books.
The sacrifice we make for our kids has extraordinary payback. I got another glimpse of that last night - those milestones along the way, like the first "I love you, Mom" out of your kid's mouth, or the first time you realize you wish you could take on all of their pain or illness so that they didn't have to live through it, - those are the things that make being a parent completely rewarding. Recently I've been so pre-occupied with the fear of moving to yet another place, juggling Penny's schedule (or lack thereof) and dealing with financial paranoia that I've almost forgotten to recognize how mature Ruby and Eloise have become. Sharing this old favorite book gave me a small wake-up call.
Last week Eloise said, "Mom, we don't like having curly hair. We want straight hair like Sophie." Shit, I thought. This garbage already? I tell them it's not about the outside, it's the inside that counts... corny corny, I know... but to identical twins that has even more resonance.
And for another grown-up comment, Ruby told me I should return my bruised squash to the market, "like you did with the LAME pistachios." (They WERE lame pistachios for the record. Almost all of the shells were sealed shut.) Note to self: don't say things like "lame", "butt-crack", or "bummer" in regular everyday speech. Fortunately they haven't figured out that I'm the F-Bomb Mommy - at least not yet. I'll let you know when someone says fuck. (Watch it be Penelope's first word. Seriously, if she could talk I think she'd say, "GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHEERIOS! NOW!!!)
So there it is. My kids are my life. I can complain about how hard this job is day in and day out, and how I think society pressures mommies to give too much of themselves - but it is refreshing to know that even reading them a book can remind me how I'd be happy to give them the world; to let them virtually chop off my limbs, and use me as a resting place.
Infinitely happy indeed.
It begins, "Once there was a tree... and she loved a little boy..." and the tree gives all of herself to the boy as he grows and grows into a greedy grown-up and eventually chops her down to a stump. And it continues from there, "And the tree was happy... but not really." Eventually the boy returns as an old man and needs a place to rest, so he sits on the stump. Again, "the tree was happy".
End of story. So was the tree really happy? Were we all destined to be greedy like the boy?
Today "The Giving Tree" makes more sense than it did when I was young - on so many different levels. When you are young, you relate to the boy, but as a parent now I feel completely in touch with the tree! I understand unconditional giving. You give and give and give every moment to your child that you can. At times I've felt like I wanted to burst from the pressures of self-sacrifice - initially it was such a hard adjustment for me and I was so angry at the world. Why did I feel like I was throwing away my former self for my kids? Why did I have to do this, and why did I feel so guilty about NOT liking the process of giving? I was happy... but not really.
Well, last night Ruby and Eloise recited a short poem to me from memory. It was a Shel Silverstein poem about taking a snowball under the covers - "and when I woke it had wet my bed" (insert goofy kid laughter). So I went and got out Myles' tattered copy of "Where the Sidewalk Ends". More Shel. We picked poems and I happily read all of these memories to my girls. At times I didn't even have to look at the words because they were pouring out of an odd memory bank in the back of my brain. It felt so good. Here were these things that I vividly remember from my childhood! These excellent nonsense poems about dogs with two tails, three guys who go for a ride in a flying shoe, and the unicorns who missed their ride on Noah's ark. Ru and El have hit the age where I will be able to share and appreciate these excellent pieces of literature, not just picture books.
The sacrifice we make for our kids has extraordinary payback. I got another glimpse of that last night - those milestones along the way, like the first "I love you, Mom" out of your kid's mouth, or the first time you realize you wish you could take on all of their pain or illness so that they didn't have to live through it, - those are the things that make being a parent completely rewarding. Recently I've been so pre-occupied with the fear of moving to yet another place, juggling Penny's schedule (or lack thereof) and dealing with financial paranoia that I've almost forgotten to recognize how mature Ruby and Eloise have become. Sharing this old favorite book gave me a small wake-up call.
Last week Eloise said, "Mom, we don't like having curly hair. We want straight hair like Sophie." Shit, I thought. This garbage already? I tell them it's not about the outside, it's the inside that counts... corny corny, I know... but to identical twins that has even more resonance.
And for another grown-up comment, Ruby told me I should return my bruised squash to the market, "like you did with the LAME pistachios." (They WERE lame pistachios for the record. Almost all of the shells were sealed shut.) Note to self: don't say things like "lame", "butt-crack", or "bummer" in regular everyday speech. Fortunately they haven't figured out that I'm the F-Bomb Mommy - at least not yet. I'll let you know when someone says fuck. (Watch it be Penelope's first word. Seriously, if she could talk I think she'd say, "GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHEERIOS! NOW!!!)
So there it is. My kids are my life. I can complain about how hard this job is day in and day out, and how I think society pressures mommies to give too much of themselves - but it is refreshing to know that even reading them a book can remind me how I'd be happy to give them the world; to let them virtually chop off my limbs, and use me as a resting place.
Infinitely happy indeed.
Monday, February 25, 2008
a bright bright sunshiny day...
One of these blogs that I follow suggested that you shoot your photos into the sun as an experiment. Like a rule-breaking kind of thing. So I quite like this photo of Eloise. It captures her essence just perfectly. (As I write this I'm feeling guilty for not posting a link to the blog that I read regarding photos, life coaching, creativity... not because I don't want to share this with you, but because I'm being an ass about the norms of the blog medium. That is another potential topic entirely... norms of the blog medium. I find myself hooked on a relatively link-free style for many reasons... but really, that's another entry on another day.)
But yes. I just said BLOG as a medium. Currently I work in "blog" and I'm struggling with all that entails and how I've become this blogger of sorts. I don't get many comments posted directly to blogger, which is fine, but I do manage to hear feedback from my pals around the world (yes, you are all around the world) and that is precisely why I do this. You are all so fucking far away and this is a decent method to let you know how my brain and family unit is functioning.
The inspiration for my photo post was an experiment, so I have decided to make a experiment of my own and encourage many of you non-bloggers just to start writing in a blog format to see what happens (you don't have to share it with anybody). Really, this type of writing began as a Doogie Howser, M.D. kind of computer journal I could use to document my days... and then it became a means to communicate... and now it has become a place of curiosity for a tiny community. Many of you are friends, but some of you are quasi-strangers. I invite you upon this entry to let yourself be known in my comments box (and that's okay if there are only 2 of you) and ask me some questions. Or send me your links. Discuss amongst yourself, and in the meantime mess around with shooting into the sun.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
All You Need Is Love... Love Is All You Need
My college graduation present has been sold (silver Golf, 1999). My little twins are not so little any more. I am addicted enough to television that I even take pictures of it. I adore felting lame squares of knitting and making them into coasters. My cat doesn't appreciate Valentines, but Penny knows that 18K rose gold charm bracelets are good for her.
Myles and I have been together for 12 years this summer.
That means my niece Daisy is turning 12 in March, my sister's dog Maggie (who was put to rest last week) was also 12, and I am a really old old lady.
But what a thing to reflect on - loving the same person since the age of 20. I have a few regrets... but they are ultimately trumped by all of our beautiful memories. Enjoy a visit here to have a visual.
Myles and I have been together for 12 years this summer.
That means my niece Daisy is turning 12 in March, my sister's dog Maggie (who was put to rest last week) was also 12, and I am a really old old lady.
But what a thing to reflect on - loving the same person since the age of 20. I have a few regrets... but they are ultimately trumped by all of our beautiful memories. Enjoy a visit here to have a visual.
Monday, February 11, 2008
change we can believe in
My friend Heather who has 6 year old daughter sent me an email a few days ago confirming her love of Barack - she writes:
"I am so excited about Barak's wins yesterday. Lets keep it up! I just keep picturing myself telling Dora that he is the president of our country and being so proud to tell her that. Now when she asks about the president I just try to brush it under the carpet or change the subject. Dora already knows the truth about the tooth fairy and Santa (I also explain that we can pretend these things are real if she wants), but I don't have the heart to tell her about Bush and the US government."
I just love her comparing of the mysterious and phony Santa and the scary truth about the US government. Amazing.
Well, for another kind of change, I am off to do a crossword in bed with Myles rather than pollute my brain with more TV. Back when we were child-free we did a bedtime crossword every night. It's time we get back to some honest and healthy togetherness before our relationship wears thin under the pressures of residency...
"I am so excited about Barak's wins yesterday. Lets keep it up! I just keep picturing myself telling Dora that he is the president of our country and being so proud to tell her that. Now when she asks about the president I just try to brush it under the carpet or change the subject. Dora already knows the truth about the tooth fairy and Santa (I also explain that we can pretend these things are real if she wants), but I don't have the heart to tell her about Bush and the US government."
I just love her comparing of the mysterious and phony Santa and the scary truth about the US government. Amazing.
Well, for another kind of change, I am off to do a crossword in bed with Myles rather than pollute my brain with more TV. Back when we were child-free we did a bedtime crossword every night. It's time we get back to some honest and healthy togetherness before our relationship wears thin under the pressures of residency...
to my clueless few...
I've just been alerted by a couple of people that they completely don't understand what my last post was making reference to! Huge apologies for being so vague... but I have a bad case of Obama-mania. (Or should that be ObaMania?) Barack Obama's campaign speeches repeatedly use the phrase "yes we can".
Here goes my first attempt at posting a video to y'all.
Here goes my first attempt at posting a video to y'all.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
New Sweater, New Skill
Here she is - Ms. Penelope Pickle! What a clever dumpling sitting up by herself... almost a little too clever for my liking. She does these roly-poly moves from a seated position and falls down onto her stomach, where she then manages to inch herself backwards. I remember this phase of Ruby and Eloise's babyhood... you turn the corner for a moment, only to return to find a child stuck under the sofa. When she figures out how to crawl forward I am in serious trouble.
How nice is this hand-knit cardigan she's wearing? My snazzy sister whipped it up in a matter of days. If only I could pull a cute outfit like this together... my fashion has fallen down the drain along side my dish suds. Perhaps that's my next entry: How To Feel Attractive Again.
Just writing that out makes me want to crawl under this desk and cry.
How nice is this hand-knit cardigan she's wearing? My snazzy sister whipped it up in a matter of days. If only I could pull a cute outfit like this together... my fashion has fallen down the drain along side my dish suds. Perhaps that's my next entry: How To Feel Attractive Again.
Just writing that out makes me want to crawl under this desk and cry.
Friday, January 18, 2008
REsolution
Over the years I have been addicted to paper towels, zip-loc baggies, saran wrap, designer bath wash and packets of wipes. I have been the first to secretly criticize my in-laws for their impressive use of wax paper and recycled yogurt containers for every little leftover food item. I cannot stand BROWN, unbleached, recycled paper towels and their complete inability to effectively wipe up or dry anything (it's just pushing whatever you spilled all around the counter). I have been known to giggle at crusty-ass towels that have been dried on a clothesline or drying rack... thinking they don't really smell fresh or feel particularly nice wiping your face after you get out of a shower. I have scoffed at bar soaps for their dingy, dirty scum that you get to look at all built up on your shower rack or soap dish. I have whined about people who are so environmentally conscious that they would even bother to recycle a fucking piece of tin foil - and better yet I like to make fun of those losers who manage to wrap your peanut butter sandwich in the old foil that previously held your roasted garlic. Hello flavor spoiler... the equivalent of cutting your banana with the onion knife!
Remember that Pantene commercial where some annoying model tossed her hair around and said, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful?" I've always envisioned my hippie relatives saying, "Don't hate me because I'm frugal".. giving a delicate toss to their grey hair and tossing a little handful of fucking granola with flax seed into their mouth.
So my point is that I have been hyper-critical of anything "green". Hell, I even hate the term "green". It makes my skin crawl... kinda the way that "low-carb", "vegan" or "low-fat" does. I like to be an asshole about people who are healthy and good... because they make me feel horrible about myself and my complete inability to have any self-restraint. Honestly, it doesn't make any sense, except for the fact that that is the way I have been raised to think. I don't blame my parents for anything here, but these sentiments always have a root cause. My mom is a maniac about cleanliness and cleaning solutions, and my father is still in denial about our role in the process of global warming.
But this here is a photo of my new crusty-clothes-creating drying rack. I'm pretty proud of it actually, because it was a struggle for me to really want to put it in my dining room for anyone to see. I've had to let go of the concept of other people's impression of my decor and start thinking of how proud I am to be doing something to save energy and money. (For the record, I still use the dryer, but not nearly as long or as much as before.) Much to my mother's dismay, I haven't put paper towels in my kitchen for over a month. We use numerous washcloths and dish towels for wiping up, cleaning and drying. I have also managed to finish off my favorite shower gels and have moved to bar soaps - which has been a fun transition, considering that there are still a ton of beautiful smelling solid soaps for me to purchase. Think about how much extra plastic waste is created by those silly bottles. I do need to work on finishing up my squirty hand soap dispensers... but that's a tough one for me. I hate dirty bars of soap on the side of the sink...
We also bought some of those HIDEOUS, coiled, florescent "Al Gore" lightbulbs (as my dad likes to call them). They are an interior decorators nightmare... such an unflattering effect on our complexions... but interspersed with regular bulbs here and there I can handle it I guess. Hell, I kind of dig wax paper sandwich bags now.
These are my efforts to adjust my ways for the moment, and once these baby steps become normal to me, I can tackle something else. Being better to the environment is not a resolution. Resolutions don't work... as far as I'm concerned they just end up being disappointing. Instead I choose to refocus. And now I can make fun of myself - instead of other people - when I choose tin foil over plastic wrap.
Remember that Pantene commercial where some annoying model tossed her hair around and said, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful?" I've always envisioned my hippie relatives saying, "Don't hate me because I'm frugal".. giving a delicate toss to their grey hair and tossing a little handful of fucking granola with flax seed into their mouth.
So my point is that I have been hyper-critical of anything "green". Hell, I even hate the term "green". It makes my skin crawl... kinda the way that "low-carb", "vegan" or "low-fat" does. I like to be an asshole about people who are healthy and good... because they make me feel horrible about myself and my complete inability to have any self-restraint. Honestly, it doesn't make any sense, except for the fact that that is the way I have been raised to think. I don't blame my parents for anything here, but these sentiments always have a root cause. My mom is a maniac about cleanliness and cleaning solutions, and my father is still in denial about our role in the process of global warming.
But this here is a photo of my new crusty-clothes-creating drying rack. I'm pretty proud of it actually, because it was a struggle for me to really want to put it in my dining room for anyone to see. I've had to let go of the concept of other people's impression of my decor and start thinking of how proud I am to be doing something to save energy and money. (For the record, I still use the dryer, but not nearly as long or as much as before.) Much to my mother's dismay, I haven't put paper towels in my kitchen for over a month. We use numerous washcloths and dish towels for wiping up, cleaning and drying. I have also managed to finish off my favorite shower gels and have moved to bar soaps - which has been a fun transition, considering that there are still a ton of beautiful smelling solid soaps for me to purchase. Think about how much extra plastic waste is created by those silly bottles. I do need to work on finishing up my squirty hand soap dispensers... but that's a tough one for me. I hate dirty bars of soap on the side of the sink...
We also bought some of those HIDEOUS, coiled, florescent "Al Gore" lightbulbs (as my dad likes to call them). They are an interior decorators nightmare... such an unflattering effect on our complexions... but interspersed with regular bulbs here and there I can handle it I guess. Hell, I kind of dig wax paper sandwich bags now.
These are my efforts to adjust my ways for the moment, and once these baby steps become normal to me, I can tackle something else. Being better to the environment is not a resolution. Resolutions don't work... as far as I'm concerned they just end up being disappointing. Instead I choose to refocus. And now I can make fun of myself - instead of other people - when I choose tin foil over plastic wrap.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
growing, growing... gone.
Such sweetness in this little Penelope. She's just bursting with joy most of the time. In the last 3 days, despite our sickly household, I've noticed her range of expressions expanding and she has developed the famous vocabulary of an almost 6 month old. This consists of "lad lad lad", "blablabla", "dadadad" and the rare but oh-so-pleasant "mamama". She is completely excited by anything related to a spoon, making her first two sessions with rice cereal a huge success. For some reason I don't remember Ru and El being that enthusiastic about solid food - but maybe that's a third kid thing.
I see clearly now that this is the point in a mom's life where she looks at her baby and says, "where is my baby going?" I know there are tons of moments in your child's life where you do this, but I don't remember getting to appreciate it quite so much with twins at this stage. All I wanted to do was get them walking and talking. And now I would like for Penny to just slow it down and be a lump of kissable, squeezable heaven for a bit longer... but she has these tremendous big sisters around her doing all kinds of exciting things and she wants to play too. So much for keeping your kittens small and fluffy...
Grannies around the neighborhood swoon when they make Penny smile (which is not that hard, she smiles at creepy toothless drunks and coconuts at the market) and makes moms with two kids say, "Wow. We do think about having another one of these days." (Intoxicating baby vapors seeping from her pores!!)
Fuck it though. She's going to grow up. And there will be times when I'll ask myself, "how the hell did I get myself into this Mom business", or "where did my tiny baby go?"; and there will be times when I'll know that the process of helping my children grow into good people is the best thing I have to offer the world. I just wish it seemed like some of the great moments in my kids lives were happening in slow motion so I could fully appreciate every important detail... or that we could have brief rewinds to snuggle into the back of their tiny baby necks.
Or better yet, I would love to fast forward through cold and flu season.
I see clearly now that this is the point in a mom's life where she looks at her baby and says, "where is my baby going?" I know there are tons of moments in your child's life where you do this, but I don't remember getting to appreciate it quite so much with twins at this stage. All I wanted to do was get them walking and talking. And now I would like for Penny to just slow it down and be a lump of kissable, squeezable heaven for a bit longer... but she has these tremendous big sisters around her doing all kinds of exciting things and she wants to play too. So much for keeping your kittens small and fluffy...
Grannies around the neighborhood swoon when they make Penny smile (which is not that hard, she smiles at creepy toothless drunks and coconuts at the market) and makes moms with two kids say, "Wow. We do think about having another one of these days." (Intoxicating baby vapors seeping from her pores!!)
Fuck it though. She's going to grow up. And there will be times when I'll ask myself, "how the hell did I get myself into this Mom business", or "where did my tiny baby go?"; and there will be times when I'll know that the process of helping my children grow into good people is the best thing I have to offer the world. I just wish it seemed like some of the great moments in my kids lives were happening in slow motion so I could fully appreciate every important detail... or that we could have brief rewinds to snuggle into the back of their tiny baby necks.
Or better yet, I would love to fast forward through cold and flu season.
Happy Pneu Year!!!
There it is folks... the quintessential descriptive photo of Christmas '07! Ruby and Eloise sacked out in the stroller with pneumonia. From my perspective, this has been a rough time watching these little lovelies try to enjoy their holidays feeling like complete crap. They use the nebulizer for asthma and breathing difficulties every 4 hours, they are on antibiotics that aren't helping and they get horrible diarrhea as a side effect. The intense coughing makes them vomit and Myles and I also managed to get a 48 hour stomach virus in the middle of all of this.
Oh yes, and Penny has a cold. She's doing alright for now. We are really a fucking mess though.
Myles' dad made the trip down for Xmas dinner at my mom's house and got to witness Ru and El's intense desire for presents. Once we opened our goodies here, we then headed to Milton, where a large crowd of excellent family friends bestowed gifts on the "sickies"... but once the goodies stopped flowing, Eloise was hanging on my sleeve whining, "are there any more presents" over and over, like a meth addict looking for a fix! Presents are like crack-cocaine to a 3 year old. And the worst of it was that Eloise got to the point where she would unwrap a book and say, "that's not a good present!". HORRORS! What was I to do?
Actually, there was a fair amount of giggling about the girls' behavior - everybody was aware of their sad feverish demeanors and understood what was going on in the "manners" department. But honestly, I had forgotten that gifts could make kids into such monsters.
Oh yes, and Penny has a cold. She's doing alright for now. We are really a fucking mess though.
Myles' dad made the trip down for Xmas dinner at my mom's house and got to witness Ru and El's intense desire for presents. Once we opened our goodies here, we then headed to Milton, where a large crowd of excellent family friends bestowed gifts on the "sickies"... but once the goodies stopped flowing, Eloise was hanging on my sleeve whining, "are there any more presents" over and over, like a meth addict looking for a fix! Presents are like crack-cocaine to a 3 year old. And the worst of it was that Eloise got to the point where she would unwrap a book and say, "that's not a good present!". HORRORS! What was I to do?
Actually, there was a fair amount of giggling about the girls' behavior - everybody was aware of their sad feverish demeanors and understood what was going on in the "manners" department. But honestly, I had forgotten that gifts could make kids into such monsters.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Rockefeller Center!
All seven of us wandered down 5th Avenue after our dinner - my dad proudly pushing Penny in the stroller while Myles and I took turns carrying the big girls and pointing out the beautiful window displays. Upon arrival at the big tree, I noticed my dad's eyes all welled up with tears. He confesses that the whole experience just reminds him of coming to Rock Center with his parents, sneaking a peek through the crowds and bundling up together for warmth.
I must say, seeing your grandchildren experience these old family traditions has to have twice the cheese-factor impact. The fact that my DAD - of all people - was filled with sentimental warmth and coziness just makes me proud. Here's a guy who still thinks George Bush is doing an "okay" job... (I cannot believe I just admitted that to my blog readers, but if you know me well enough, you knew that anyway... sorry to disappoint those in the dark) and most of the time I like to write off my dad as being devoid of all human emotion. But there it is! Holiday traditions, family, "American" Christmas hoo-ha... it really pulls at a Republican's heartstrings.
So although I don't agree with his politics, I'm happy that I can occasionally relate to my dad's sentimentality. I remember that he has always kept my mind aware of how the "other side" feels (or doesn't feel!) and for that, I am grateful.
Ruby, Eloise and Penny, what will you teach me when I am old? You have already taught me that living in Manhattan with a family would be next to impossible... unless we won the lottery. What's next?
I must say, seeing your grandchildren experience these old family traditions has to have twice the cheese-factor impact. The fact that my DAD - of all people - was filled with sentimental warmth and coziness just makes me proud. Here's a guy who still thinks George Bush is doing an "okay" job... (I cannot believe I just admitted that to my blog readers, but if you know me well enough, you knew that anyway... sorry to disappoint those in the dark) and most of the time I like to write off my dad as being devoid of all human emotion. But there it is! Holiday traditions, family, "American" Christmas hoo-ha... it really pulls at a Republican's heartstrings.
So although I don't agree with his politics, I'm happy that I can occasionally relate to my dad's sentimentality. I remember that he has always kept my mind aware of how the "other side" feels (or doesn't feel!) and for that, I am grateful.
Ruby, Eloise and Penny, what will you teach me when I am old? You have already taught me that living in Manhattan with a family would be next to impossible... unless we won the lottery. What's next?
Finger Lickin' Good!
BLT Steak. A phenomenal restaurant. I was so well fed and so buzzed by the end of my meal. Is it obnoxious that I took my 3 kids to such a swanky place? I felt like that twitty person that Sex and the City would make fun of... the annoying shit that ruins people's dining experience... except for the fact that my kids were angelic. Penny barely let out a peep! (For the record, she was changed on the bathroom floor of 3 very glam places - no changing tables to be had anywhere. The new Marc Jacobs collection store had such a delicious smelling bathroom that I decided to cart out the poopy diaper in my diaper bag, for fear of being a terrible space-contaminator).
My Parents Rock
Without these two we wouldn't have made it through our weekend in NYC. First and foremost, Manhattan hotels are completely unaffordable, so we are most thankful for their gift of a place to stay, but we also needed their extra hands to assist us in getting from place to place, restaurant to restaurant, cab to cab. New York is just plain nutty. Decadent, rushed, beautiful, filthy, impeccable and surreal. The entire trip sent my head spinning - honestly. After jetting around to all kinds of sights and shops I would sit down for a minute and have difficulty focusing on objects and keeping the room still. (That's without a glass of wine people...)
At the end of the day it was lovely to have my dad torture my mother in a photo session with Ruby's new unicorn. She was so completely irritated by his antics. I love that shit.
At the end of the day it was lovely to have my dad torture my mother in a photo session with Ruby's new unicorn. She was so completely irritated by his antics. I love that shit.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
After Many Days of Hard Work...
Eloise has mastered the letter "S"! In her elated state she managed to accentuate her work with a fine portrait of me with earrings. (Don't you like my hair?) Watching the girls work out their different skills has been incredible - every moment at school has made them even more curious about their world and their abilities. Ruby has been able to hold a pen correctly since she was 22 months old, and Eloise has struggled to do the same thing. Instead she would put up a fight and throw down her marker if we suggested that she hold it differently... so I backed off with my "suggestions", and she now seems happy to write and draw with the right grip and everything.
What an accomplishment though - reading and writing letters! It's the beginning of my childrens' literacy... an enormous and beautiful time when kids open the door to a new kind of creativity and self-expression.
Ooooh! I absolutely love spelling!! So much to look forward too in this school-age business...
What an accomplishment though - reading and writing letters! It's the beginning of my childrens' literacy... an enormous and beautiful time when kids open the door to a new kind of creativity and self-expression.
Ooooh! I absolutely love spelling!! So much to look forward too in this school-age business...
Happy 35th to Myles
And a Happy Thanksgiving too... we had a great time in Brattleboro celebrating with turkey and my german chocolate cake. Before dinner Ruby and Eloise hiked up a small mountain for 3 hours with the rest of the gang while I stayed in the house with Penny and made icing. All in all it was a total success.
A ton of things have been going on over the last few weeks - many thoughts related to my 2 trips to Vermont and some serious time to think while on the road.
Is it a surprise to any of you that I just love to cook? If only there were more hours in the day to make perfect meals...
A ton of things have been going on over the last few weeks - many thoughts related to my 2 trips to Vermont and some serious time to think while on the road.
Is it a surprise to any of you that I just love to cook? If only there were more hours in the day to make perfect meals...
Thursday, November 15, 2007
16 percent
My computer has 16 percent of its life left... let's see if I can blog about something before it farts out.
So many things have come up recently - wanting to be child-free for more than 2 hours would be the first thing that comes to mind... But this baby-nursing has an end, and realistically, I blink and a week has gone by AGAIN. Penny has become that delightful lumpkin that sits on my lap and will happily drool on a spoon, suck on a toy and make heart-melting smiles to all that encounter her roundness. She is no longer that newborn ball of sleepy fuzz. She is opinionated and thoughtful, meddling and curious. She does not like a bottle of pumped breast milk... she just likes the real deal. It has become impossible to remember my life before children. But that being said, I had a moment the other day where I swear I felt like I was at college... and then I remembered that the Brown students milling about me were just making a cloud of pheremones that made me feel like I was studying for mid-terms. Mid-terms! Oh my...
Please people. I drive a mini-van and sign permission slips for field trips now. Totally old lady.
Myles has gone to VT to take his last medical licensing exam... and I did my first night with all 3 kids for the first time in ages. Amazing. 2 baths, two books, two bedtimes... all before 6:45 pm. And here I am pouring some silly words down the blog-drain. Feels good actually... Oh wait, that's the wine and cheese.
Other thoughts: my cat is fat. I can fit in my skinny jeans again. My leg hair is so long that it rivals Myles' (I can't seem to find a minute to wax OR shave... I'd need a fucking package of razor blades to make a dent in it). I like making soup. 2 tablespoons of flaxseed powder boiled in 3 tablespoons of water is the equivalent of one egg white when you bake vegan things. I will most likely never ever be seen in a bikini again unless the plastic surgery fairy gives me a new stomach some day. MEN SUCK AT GETTING COLDS. I remember when there used to be frost on the ground in November and there was usually snow on the ground for Christmas.
and now my battery is dying. i should write like this more often. some good stuff for everyone... and maybe a good couple of photos after my weekend.
So many things have come up recently - wanting to be child-free for more than 2 hours would be the first thing that comes to mind... But this baby-nursing has an end, and realistically, I blink and a week has gone by AGAIN. Penny has become that delightful lumpkin that sits on my lap and will happily drool on a spoon, suck on a toy and make heart-melting smiles to all that encounter her roundness. She is no longer that newborn ball of sleepy fuzz. She is opinionated and thoughtful, meddling and curious. She does not like a bottle of pumped breast milk... she just likes the real deal. It has become impossible to remember my life before children. But that being said, I had a moment the other day where I swear I felt like I was at college... and then I remembered that the Brown students milling about me were just making a cloud of pheremones that made me feel like I was studying for mid-terms. Mid-terms! Oh my...
Please people. I drive a mini-van and sign permission slips for field trips now. Totally old lady.
Myles has gone to VT to take his last medical licensing exam... and I did my first night with all 3 kids for the first time in ages. Amazing. 2 baths, two books, two bedtimes... all before 6:45 pm. And here I am pouring some silly words down the blog-drain. Feels good actually... Oh wait, that's the wine and cheese.
Other thoughts: my cat is fat. I can fit in my skinny jeans again. My leg hair is so long that it rivals Myles' (I can't seem to find a minute to wax OR shave... I'd need a fucking package of razor blades to make a dent in it). I like making soup. 2 tablespoons of flaxseed powder boiled in 3 tablespoons of water is the equivalent of one egg white when you bake vegan things. I will most likely never ever be seen in a bikini again unless the plastic surgery fairy gives me a new stomach some day. MEN SUCK AT GETTING COLDS. I remember when there used to be frost on the ground in November and there was usually snow on the ground for Christmas.
and now my battery is dying. i should write like this more often. some good stuff for everyone... and maybe a good couple of photos after my weekend.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Carolyn and Kathleen
I've been dying to grab a photo of these two for ages - and I finally got my chance a few weekends ago. They are my inspiration for embracing the gray...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Seriously.
These big girls. They have grown up so much in the last two months - I barely recognize them as my babies. Nursery school has been so completely incredible for their minds, their talents, their energy and their blossoming personalities. They have gone from timid little munchkins to brave warrior women on the playground. They are compassionate and helpful big sisters to Penny. They are full of imagination and creativity. They eat most meals that I put in front of them and clean the plate. The world has so many questions that need very specific answers... and we ask and answer the same questions constantly.
"Mom, why can't we talk about poop when we're at school?"
"Why do we have to ask if we want to hug someone?"
"Why doesn't RaRa eat meat?"
"Why can't we say we hate something?"
Well, this is a photo of a special day at their school fair where I asked them to make really serious faces. Eloise is not so convincing, but Ruby's furrowed brow channels Mollie remarkably.
"Mom, why can't we talk about poop when we're at school?"
"Why do we have to ask if we want to hug someone?"
"Why doesn't RaRa eat meat?"
"Why can't we say we hate something?"
Well, this is a photo of a special day at their school fair where I asked them to make really serious faces. Eloise is not so convincing, but Ruby's furrowed brow channels Mollie remarkably.
squatters
My dad can still squat as well as the girls and I . It cracks my mom up - we can all put our heels on the ground "like a Vietnamese person!" she says. Every time. I love it. Then I follow with a comment about, "those Orientals!"
In a sense this photo has a family inside joke imbedded in it. I hope you think it's as hysterical as I do.
In a sense this photo has a family inside joke imbedded in it. I hope you think it's as hysterical as I do.
Cheesy Photo Alert!
Hey. I never thought I'd be posting a photo taken by Myles that would be worthy of this blog. Aren't I an ass? How dare I doubt my husband's creative talents! This photo was taken during our long weekend in Nantucket when we took a trip to the farm to get pumpkins. That's right - our pumpkins this year were grown on Nantucket - not a farm in VT or Rhody. It feels kind of weird actually... the pumpkins took the ferry.
I'll just post some pics here on the blog, but you should all check out the flickr site for some beautiful shots of our beautiful life. There's something about fall that makes me feel like I've harvested new meaning to my family. Is it the advent of the holiday season and my obsessive nostalgia?
I'll just post some pics here on the blog, but you should all check out the flickr site for some beautiful shots of our beautiful life. There's something about fall that makes me feel like I've harvested new meaning to my family. Is it the advent of the holiday season and my obsessive nostalgia?
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Penny's Serious Face
I take great pride in announcing that I've uploaded a TON of new photos of my adorable family from the last month. For some reason the flickr site won't let me create sets right now, but check back there at another time to see them in cohesive groups with comments.
We took another trip to Nantucket this weekend and did nothing more than eat and toodle about in the fog. Myles and I went on two long runs together - amazing that I could even keep up with him - and we watched a bunch of sports on t.v.. Saturday night became a bit of a bender, as we met up with my brother, his wife, his sister-in-law and her husband at this goof-ball bar that we've all frequented since we were of legal age. We danced up a storm in classic "middle -aged-white people" style and felt no shame. Fortunately we all had just a tiny bit of sense left in us and we skipped out on our skinny-dipping plan.
We took another trip to Nantucket this weekend and did nothing more than eat and toodle about in the fog. Myles and I went on two long runs together - amazing that I could even keep up with him - and we watched a bunch of sports on t.v.. Saturday night became a bit of a bender, as we met up with my brother, his wife, his sister-in-law and her husband at this goof-ball bar that we've all frequented since we were of legal age. We danced up a storm in classic "middle -aged-white people" style and felt no shame. Fortunately we all had just a tiny bit of sense left in us and we skipped out on our skinny-dipping plan.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Out and About
So sorry to disappoint you photo hunters... but I just can't bring myself to post the load of pictures that I've taken in recent weeks. There are tons! First off, my far away friend Leah came to visit us and I got to meet her boyfriend Clive (a long overdue happening), then we took a weekend visit to Vermont - Lyllah and Rick's new house on Friday night, Auntie Liza's apartment in Burlington on Saturday night. Apple picking on Sunday (stuffing our faces with cider doughnuts) and a walk around Church Street was refreshing... the weather was perfect... and then a drive to Milton, with a 3 hour nap for the girls, where we celebrated my brother's 38th birthday. Then home to Providence at 11pm.
Penny was totally darling as she happily slept in 3 different beds on 3 different nights. Ruby and Eloise were also VERY adaptable considering the lengthy car rides.
At the end of last week Myles was offered a position as a second year resident in Orthopedics at Brown because a girl was quitting the program. The director was doing his best to lure Myles into the spot by this week so that the other residents wouldn't have to pick up the slack for the dropout... and then she would take over his research work. This was such a shock to both of us and we went back and forth for a couple of days about what Myles should do. It was either "Pursue your dream and get slammed into a really grueling residency program for the next 5 years... and stay in Providence" OR "coast along with the research you've been doing and hope for the best with the anesthesia match... and potentially move again in spring 2008". I was so completely torn. Ultimately I would love to see Myles work his ass off and become an orthopedic surgeon... but considering how much fun we've been having, and how excellent his entire demeanor seems without the added stress of the surgery world, I think anesthesia will be the best fit.
He has chosen to stay with research and wait to hear from anesthesia programs (he already has some interviews set up). But as with any life-altering decision we are now experiencing some "did I make the right choice?" remorse. The director of the ortho program was pretty pissed, the other residents are most likely pretty annoyed and Myles gets to think about how some people would have jumped all over the opportunity to join such an incredible program. Honestly though, it would have been perfect for us if he was 25 and we didn't have kids. If he had joined the program this week I would have been stuck with the 3 kids from 6 AM to at least 8 PM and would have had to consider paying for some evening help. He would have to miss out on most of Penelope's first year... and Ru and El's school events... it would have been awful and he would have been a total grump.
Sorry to bore you all with the lame-o details of this event. We have been wallowing in all kinds of mixed emotions for the last few days and it feels good to finally share it with the computer. When I take the time to spell all of this out I realize that Myles has definitely made the right decision and I should quit feeling bad about what regrets we might have down the road. It just feels odd to acknowledge how much more we value family time over career time.
Phew. I'm toasted and would love to put several thousand dollars worth of stupid shit on my AmEx while I'm at the mall.
Penny was totally darling as she happily slept in 3 different beds on 3 different nights. Ruby and Eloise were also VERY adaptable considering the lengthy car rides.
At the end of last week Myles was offered a position as a second year resident in Orthopedics at Brown because a girl was quitting the program. The director was doing his best to lure Myles into the spot by this week so that the other residents wouldn't have to pick up the slack for the dropout... and then she would take over his research work. This was such a shock to both of us and we went back and forth for a couple of days about what Myles should do. It was either "Pursue your dream and get slammed into a really grueling residency program for the next 5 years... and stay in Providence" OR "coast along with the research you've been doing and hope for the best with the anesthesia match... and potentially move again in spring 2008". I was so completely torn. Ultimately I would love to see Myles work his ass off and become an orthopedic surgeon... but considering how much fun we've been having, and how excellent his entire demeanor seems without the added stress of the surgery world, I think anesthesia will be the best fit.
He has chosen to stay with research and wait to hear from anesthesia programs (he already has some interviews set up). But as with any life-altering decision we are now experiencing some "did I make the right choice?" remorse. The director of the ortho program was pretty pissed, the other residents are most likely pretty annoyed and Myles gets to think about how some people would have jumped all over the opportunity to join such an incredible program. Honestly though, it would have been perfect for us if he was 25 and we didn't have kids. If he had joined the program this week I would have been stuck with the 3 kids from 6 AM to at least 8 PM and would have had to consider paying for some evening help. He would have to miss out on most of Penelope's first year... and Ru and El's school events... it would have been awful and he would have been a total grump.
Sorry to bore you all with the lame-o details of this event. We have been wallowing in all kinds of mixed emotions for the last few days and it feels good to finally share it with the computer. When I take the time to spell all of this out I realize that Myles has definitely made the right decision and I should quit feeling bad about what regrets we might have down the road. It just feels odd to acknowledge how much more we value family time over career time.
Phew. I'm toasted and would love to put several thousand dollars worth of stupid shit on my AmEx while I'm at the mall.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Ms.
I've been meaning to write stuff forever, but as you might guess, I start to imagine that I've blogged and then get sad when I realize that my mind has played a trick on me. And then it's just too much to update you folks on! Really, from our trip to Northbrook Lodge, to Nantucket, our nasty cold, our first day of school, our ballet class, our pot-lucks, our 2 festivals (one Irish, one Greek)... and then all of my conflicting realizations about being a parent. I feel like I've learned a lot in the last 2 months... particularly how nice it is to have a dad around on weekends and evenings. We are a great team when it comes to the fine art of kid wrangling. It makes me love my husband again! Seriously, Myles is a totally different person without the added stress and over-tiredness that his profession demands. It has been pleasant to rediscover why I fell for Myles in the first place. After 11 years with the same person you are bound to forget a few of those things that make you like someone so much. So, research rocks (but the pay check doesn't).
This photo of Penny speaks volumes - because really she kind of gets put in weird places (the Flickr site shows us putting her in a giant stew pot) and is occasionally forgotten. Like the time I almost walked out of the restaurant WITHOUT her... as she snoozed in the car seat resting on the highchair. It's given me a couple of good nightmares about misplacing the baby.
The Ms. tee shirt shown here was mine from 1976. My nieces Chloe and Daisy have both worn it, Ru and El wore it (briefly) and now Penny gets to show it off again! 30 year-old fashion making a fine feminist statement. And Myles' giant MAN hand holding the handles, the sand in the background! What's not to love? I could go on and on...
This photo of Penny speaks volumes - because really she kind of gets put in weird places (the Flickr site shows us putting her in a giant stew pot) and is occasionally forgotten. Like the time I almost walked out of the restaurant WITHOUT her... as she snoozed in the car seat resting on the highchair. It's given me a couple of good nightmares about misplacing the baby.
The Ms. tee shirt shown here was mine from 1976. My nieces Chloe and Daisy have both worn it, Ru and El wore it (briefly) and now Penny gets to show it off again! 30 year-old fashion making a fine feminist statement. And Myles' giant MAN hand holding the handles, the sand in the background! What's not to love? I could go on and on...
Monday, August 20, 2007
Fucktucket
With a new family member I have been faced with the challenge of outfitting myself in decent clothing. Every tank top and skirt I own has a stubborn stain or two and is several sizes too large. I keep thinking I'm going to shed 15 pounds of baby weight before I need to get warmer clothes for the fall... so I'll hang out like a slob in these hideous baggy get-ups until I'm freezing. Nantucket has a way of making me lust uncontrollably for new and beautiful things to wear. The shopping here is totally out of control and unique - some disgusting stuff, some completely outrageous stuff that I could never bear to afford, and some really spectacular yummy stuff that I could see myself wearing and treasuring for years. Many of my favorite fall sweaters have come from a boutique here, and I'll wear them again and again once I can fit in them.
Without a babysitter I can't really go shopping though. Shopping with the baby is silly (the front carrier doesn't allow for try-ons, and the stroller just annoys me and takes up room) and shopping with the twins ends up with a game of hide-and-seek in the clothing racks. This struggle to shop got me thinking about how obsessed I am with buying useless crap and how potentially I could be "greener" (did I just use that word in relationship to fashion? Shocking.) even though it doesn't really come naturally in my clothing sensibilities. So, with that said, I might attempt to post my very first link. When I'm not busy cleaning my house or bossing my kids around, I'm usually found on the computer reading up on crafting and how to be more environmentally kind. (Notice how I said reading rather than being... I have a lot to learn and a lot to change.) We all have to start somewhere when it comes to saving the planet, and this spectacular place called Nantucket has me thinking and feeling more than ever.
Some of that "feeling" refers to fondling cashmere... some of it refers to protecting the island.
Go now fellow readers and soak up some healthy stuff.
Without a babysitter I can't really go shopping though. Shopping with the baby is silly (the front carrier doesn't allow for try-ons, and the stroller just annoys me and takes up room) and shopping with the twins ends up with a game of hide-and-seek in the clothing racks. This struggle to shop got me thinking about how obsessed I am with buying useless crap and how potentially I could be "greener" (did I just use that word in relationship to fashion? Shocking.) even though it doesn't really come naturally in my clothing sensibilities. So, with that said, I might attempt to post my very first link. When I'm not busy cleaning my house or bossing my kids around, I'm usually found on the computer reading up on crafting and how to be more environmentally kind. (Notice how I said reading rather than being... I have a lot to learn and a lot to change.) We all have to start somewhere when it comes to saving the planet, and this spectacular place called Nantucket has me thinking and feeling more than ever.
Some of that "feeling" refers to fondling cashmere... some of it refers to protecting the island.
Go now fellow readers and soak up some healthy stuff.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
correction
At the end of the last post I wrote "Rhode Izzle"... but I know better. It's fo' shizzle the "Rho-Izzle".
Apologies to all my peeps.
Apologies to all my peeps.
CIO
To those of you who are not parents... and to those of you who don't care about stupid online acronyms... CIO stands for "cry-it-out". Yeah. I've just begun that insanity that is - how do I get my baby to sleep? I'm not doing anything yet as far as letting Penny cry to sleep is concerned, but the thought has crossed my mind earlier than it did with Ruby and Eloise! We have been in Nantucket for a week now and I've noticed that because the girls have a pretty scheduled bedtime scenerio, Penny is awake from about 7 to 10 pm. 10 o'clock is NOT a good bedtime for a little peanut her size, and she kind of doesn't really understand how to nurse herself to sleep (except when she wakes at 3 AM, which is a good thing). How do people balance 2 bedtime routines? It's not like I can make the bathtub fit all three of my kids - and I want to give Penny her own nighttime ritual. Oh, and I selfishly want to sniff her clean, fluffy hair after I've given her a sweet little newborn bath in the kitchen sink. I'm just coming to terms with the fact that Ms. Easy Going Baby will eventually have to grow up and learn to sleep. I'm noticing the signs of Cranky Mom in the early evening because I can't figure out how to swing this. And I have no idea how to make a decent dinner anymore.
Wait, did I ever have a minute to make a decent dinner in the last 3 years? Do I have to wait 3 more years to start feeding the family yummy stuff? Maybe so. (I feel like I blogged about this subject not so long ago when I actually roasted a chicken and was really proud of myself. How pathetic.)
Well, on a completely different note, Nantucket has been pretty pleasant. Different, but pleasant. And I just ADORE having Myles come out here for the weekends with us... and I'm happily anticipating a year with his presence in the home. To all of you who have a dad who works 9 to 5 (or the equivalent), consider yourselves lucky. Having Myles as a surgery intern was the shittiest scene ever. Stay-at-home Moms with Docs for husbands have it HARD, and I've just begun to deeply understand how hard it was because I can compare it to something better! That being said, one day I will have to return to my former status as Pseudo Single Mom when Myles resumes his residency... my very own cry-it-out experience to look forward to!
The spectacular photos will get posted upon my return to the Rhode Izzle. We have some good ones from the mountains AND the beaches... man are we lucky people this summer...
Wait, did I ever have a minute to make a decent dinner in the last 3 years? Do I have to wait 3 more years to start feeding the family yummy stuff? Maybe so. (I feel like I blogged about this subject not so long ago when I actually roasted a chicken and was really proud of myself. How pathetic.)
Well, on a completely different note, Nantucket has been pretty pleasant. Different, but pleasant. And I just ADORE having Myles come out here for the weekends with us... and I'm happily anticipating a year with his presence in the home. To all of you who have a dad who works 9 to 5 (or the equivalent), consider yourselves lucky. Having Myles as a surgery intern was the shittiest scene ever. Stay-at-home Moms with Docs for husbands have it HARD, and I've just begun to deeply understand how hard it was because I can compare it to something better! That being said, one day I will have to return to my former status as Pseudo Single Mom when Myles resumes his residency... my very own cry-it-out experience to look forward to!
The spectacular photos will get posted upon my return to the Rhode Izzle. We have some good ones from the mountains AND the beaches... man are we lucky people this summer...
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Penny the Expressive Baby
She's only 5 weeks old and has so many different faces - it cracks me up constantly. Good thing I purchased myself a spankin' new fancy camera. It should take me some time before I figure out about 1/4th of what it's capable of doing.
Actually when I took my first shot and listened to the shutter click I swear I felt my hair stand on end. It almost made me want to cry! You see, I've been saving up for a treat like this for a long long time. I don't think I've ever had the restraint to save - but I must say that it has so much more meaning when you put the heart into your "savings". My intent with the camera goes far beyond just taking cute snapshots of my family... it's a long overdue reconnection to my creative side. I'm hoping it jumpstarts my artwork again by being a visual journal - a collection of inspiring colors and images that I can pull from.
On the savings tip, Myles saved up some of his own money to splurge on a spiffy television for our bedroom. Even the UPS guy said, "you've got yourself a nice one here" when he dropped off the package! Although I said we didn't need another tv, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like how it allows for a little more sleep in the morning. I'm such a junky parent! Plop on a show for the kiddos... close your eyes for another half hour... heavenly.
Off to pack up for our road trip. Better photos next time... I promise.
Actually when I took my first shot and listened to the shutter click I swear I felt my hair stand on end. It almost made me want to cry! You see, I've been saving up for a treat like this for a long long time. I don't think I've ever had the restraint to save - but I must say that it has so much more meaning when you put the heart into your "savings". My intent with the camera goes far beyond just taking cute snapshots of my family... it's a long overdue reconnection to my creative side. I'm hoping it jumpstarts my artwork again by being a visual journal - a collection of inspiring colors and images that I can pull from.
On the savings tip, Myles saved up some of his own money to splurge on a spiffy television for our bedroom. Even the UPS guy said, "you've got yourself a nice one here" when he dropped off the package! Although I said we didn't need another tv, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like how it allows for a little more sleep in the morning. I'm such a junky parent! Plop on a show for the kiddos... close your eyes for another half hour... heavenly.
Off to pack up for our road trip. Better photos next time... I promise.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
yes, i am lame
Okay, so a couple of you wanted me to post a link to my flickr site... but because I am a total LAME-O computer user I don't know how to make this happen. Honestly, I think I should take few minutes and figure this out from "blogger help", but I'm a lazy fucker and prefer to say this: a single click on any posted photo should take you directly to my flickr site. If not, please let me know.
We are headed off to the Adirondacks for a few days (departing tomorrow evening) to see Myles' family - including the famous 91 year old Grandma Betty (a.k.a. My Hero!). I'm hoping to get my ass in a canoe at the very least, while someone looks after Penny.
I'm ashamed that I can't make moments for writing all of my crazy thoughts these days. There is a bunch to sort out in my head - as the addition of a new family member can make one a bit NUTTY to say the least. I can't say that I'm suffering from any PPD (post partum depression for those of you not into mamma-lingo), but I'm suffering from something. Well... maybe not suffering. But something. So many little things happen that make my mind go wild with philosophical thought. I'm just wired with a bunch of good things to say and share, yet the second I sit myself down to write, it's as if someone sucked my brain dry. Is it because I"m nursing?
For example, while we were in Nantucket I sent Ru and El out to the toy store with my dad. Upon their return my dad mentioned that Ruby announced she wasn't wearing any underwear while walking up Main Street. I had forgotten to get her back in some undies after she peed in her pants! No undies and a dress. Good job Mom. I guess that's pretty harmless though. Because the same spacey person also forgot to put sunblock on the bottom half of Eloise at the beach. Three good hours worth of unprotected sun on her sweet white skin - not so pretty. Now I know exactly why my mom calls out everyone else's name before she gets to mine. We seem to short circuit when we are parents, so then throw in the old age factor and you have a malfunctioning machine.
Myles and I were watching television last night and passed by Eddie Murphy's "Raw". I had to make a comment on Eddie's HIDEOUS skin-tight blue and black leather "outfit" of sorts. Myles asked, "what year was this movie made?" I said, "1986". It was 1987... but then Myles replied, "TWENTY YEARS AGO!"
And that seems like ages when you hear TWENTY. Really though, 1987 doesn't seem like it was that far away. Right? I mean, Myles and I had been dating for a year in 1997. (Yes. We are celebrating 11 years together this summer.)
Well, hopefully by the next post I'll have had the opportunity to use my new swanky camera (a digital SLR!) and you can feast your eyes on my yummy, squishy, tan baby. She has a jew-fro mowhawk - no joke.
We are headed off to the Adirondacks for a few days (departing tomorrow evening) to see Myles' family - including the famous 91 year old Grandma Betty (a.k.a. My Hero!). I'm hoping to get my ass in a canoe at the very least, while someone looks after Penny.
I'm ashamed that I can't make moments for writing all of my crazy thoughts these days. There is a bunch to sort out in my head - as the addition of a new family member can make one a bit NUTTY to say the least. I can't say that I'm suffering from any PPD (post partum depression for those of you not into mamma-lingo), but I'm suffering from something. Well... maybe not suffering. But something. So many little things happen that make my mind go wild with philosophical thought. I'm just wired with a bunch of good things to say and share, yet the second I sit myself down to write, it's as if someone sucked my brain dry. Is it because I"m nursing?
For example, while we were in Nantucket I sent Ru and El out to the toy store with my dad. Upon their return my dad mentioned that Ruby announced she wasn't wearing any underwear while walking up Main Street. I had forgotten to get her back in some undies after she peed in her pants! No undies and a dress. Good job Mom. I guess that's pretty harmless though. Because the same spacey person also forgot to put sunblock on the bottom half of Eloise at the beach. Three good hours worth of unprotected sun on her sweet white skin - not so pretty. Now I know exactly why my mom calls out everyone else's name before she gets to mine. We seem to short circuit when we are parents, so then throw in the old age factor and you have a malfunctioning machine.
Myles and I were watching television last night and passed by Eddie Murphy's "Raw". I had to make a comment on Eddie's HIDEOUS skin-tight blue and black leather "outfit" of sorts. Myles asked, "what year was this movie made?" I said, "1986". It was 1987... but then Myles replied, "TWENTY YEARS AGO!"
And that seems like ages when you hear TWENTY. Really though, 1987 doesn't seem like it was that far away. Right? I mean, Myles and I had been dating for a year in 1997. (Yes. We are celebrating 11 years together this summer.)
Well, hopefully by the next post I'll have had the opportunity to use my new swanky camera (a digital SLR!) and you can feast your eyes on my yummy, squishy, tan baby. She has a jew-fro mowhawk - no joke.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Perfection!
My best friend is married- and I could go on forever about how exceptionally perfect her wedding was - but I just don't have the time or brain cells to write anything decent. My sister's wedding is also worth mentioning. It was perfect too. How lucky are we? It's pretty unreal actually. (Penelope went to a wedding at 11 days old and slept through most of everything. She barely made a peep the entire weekend and I managed to have fun on the dance floor... wiggling and jiggling all of the saggy and depressing flesh around my middle.)
So I have photos of Lyllah and Rick's wedding on the flickr site, but I drown my camera in the bottom of my diaper bag before I got to Nantucket for Gwennie's wedding. An entire bottle of water exploded and drenched all kinds of things in the bag... and this means I have to buy a new camera PRONTO! I have to capture Miss Pickle in her roundness... new baby time goes exceptionally fast. In fact, little Penny is almost 11 pounds now - which the doctor thought was pretty impressive - and looks like a total breast-fed monkey. Double chin, baby acne and a faux hawk. She's fuckin' adorable and smells like goat cheese. (I find keeping her clean rather difficult considering that I usually bathe Ru and El every night, and I like to shower too sometimes...)
I feel like these blog entries are going to dwindle away if I'm not careful. Figuring out how to manage the house, laundry, personal hygeine, nursing, napping, groceries, garden, house plants, cat hair and sister brawls has been challenging to say the least. But we have been travelling for 3 consecutive weekends now and I can't say that I've really even unpacked.
Overall, we are doing well. I am kind of in "survival mode" and waiting for a break in this adrenaline rush though.
Oh, and I MUST not forget to put in a detailed labor story at some point. I learned that waiting for natural labor to come would have been WAAAAAY better than being induced (duh.) and that epidurals really do mess with your ability to push (just like the books tell you). That being said, a vaginal delivery is 100 times easier to recover from than a c-section. (hurrah for the va jay-jay!!)
So I have photos of Lyllah and Rick's wedding on the flickr site, but I drown my camera in the bottom of my diaper bag before I got to Nantucket for Gwennie's wedding. An entire bottle of water exploded and drenched all kinds of things in the bag... and this means I have to buy a new camera PRONTO! I have to capture Miss Pickle in her roundness... new baby time goes exceptionally fast. In fact, little Penny is almost 11 pounds now - which the doctor thought was pretty impressive - and looks like a total breast-fed monkey. Double chin, baby acne and a faux hawk. She's fuckin' adorable and smells like goat cheese. (I find keeping her clean rather difficult considering that I usually bathe Ru and El every night, and I like to shower too sometimes...)
I feel like these blog entries are going to dwindle away if I'm not careful. Figuring out how to manage the house, laundry, personal hygeine, nursing, napping, groceries, garden, house plants, cat hair and sister brawls has been challenging to say the least. But we have been travelling for 3 consecutive weekends now and I can't say that I've really even unpacked.
Overall, we are doing well. I am kind of in "survival mode" and waiting for a break in this adrenaline rush though.
Oh, and I MUST not forget to put in a detailed labor story at some point. I learned that waiting for natural labor to come would have been WAAAAAY better than being induced (duh.) and that epidurals really do mess with your ability to push (just like the books tell you). That being said, a vaginal delivery is 100 times easier to recover from than a c-section. (hurrah for the va jay-jay!!)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
just a glimpse...
Hey, I had a little girl named Penelope Anne. She was 8 lbs, 4 oz... just 4 hours shy of a July 4th birthday - and she was really really difficult to push out, but I did it! I would like to post this nice detailed account of my labor drama, but I don't actually have the time or energy right now.
We are all doing well, anticipating 2 wedding weekends in a row, and hoping that you all feast your eyes on my flickr pages with the delicious new photos of our family of FIVE!
We are all doing well, anticipating 2 wedding weekends in a row, and hoping that you all feast your eyes on my flickr pages with the delicious new photos of our family of FIVE!
Monday, July 02, 2007
Still No Baby!
I'm headed to the doctor in about an hour and I'm still really conflicted about going for the induction or not. The thought of being hooked up to an IV makes me really anxious and grumpy - but so does the idea of being pregnant for another week. What to do?
I promise to keep you all posted once I've made my decision.
I promise to keep you all posted once I've made my decision.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
To the Beach!
No, we haven't made it out to Nantucket yet, but we did take an adventure out to a pretty decent Rhody beach on Monday. This is the only open-eyed picture I got to capture - little Ruby enjoying her time in the sand, poking beach trash into a sculpture.
Myles is home and not working for the week (and potentially just going to hang in there with the Ortho research) and we are sweating it out with the fans and the kid pool most of the time. Ru and El have 2 more days left of Montessori Camp (boo!) and I have 1 more day left until my due date. This is not the weather to be THIS pregnant in! Gross. I'd like a personal fan for my crotch and under my boobs. (Speaking of crotches, Ruby came home from camp with a cool little sponge shaped like a bug, which she referred to as a "crotch roach". I laugh out loud even thinking about it... crotch roach. When she said that, I responded: "No, I think a crotch roach is something very different.")
As for my medical situation, my doctor has agreed to check my progress on Monday morning and if my cervix is still closed and posterior we will begin a pitocin induction on Monday night - that is, if I'm up for it. Otherwise she'll let me hang in there a bit longer and wait for natural labor to begin. The baby isn't in any danger, in fact, it's thriving with a happy heart rate. That probably has something to do with the number of disgustingly fattening meals I keep eating... ice cream, onion rings, chicken fingers, chocolate milk. I'm even going to head out to world's most spicy Indian restaurant for lunch. But besides the healthy baby in me, I'm not doing so well with the stress of being pregnant. I just suck to be around and I'm pretty frustrated that I have 2 very important weddings to go to in July. Somehow those events have made me really impatient to meet the baby and I'm not really willing to be such a warrior and wait for the real contractions to come.
But we shall see... maybe I'll wake up on Monday and feel as if I can be patient for what the greater powers have in store for the new Webster's astrological chart - in which case you get to wait even longer for cute baby photos and a detailed labor story!
(I'm SO going to the mall for the air conditioning this afternoon.)
Myles is home and not working for the week (and potentially just going to hang in there with the Ortho research) and we are sweating it out with the fans and the kid pool most of the time. Ru and El have 2 more days left of Montessori Camp (boo!) and I have 1 more day left until my due date. This is not the weather to be THIS pregnant in! Gross. I'd like a personal fan for my crotch and under my boobs. (Speaking of crotches, Ruby came home from camp with a cool little sponge shaped like a bug, which she referred to as a "crotch roach". I laugh out loud even thinking about it... crotch roach. When she said that, I responded: "No, I think a crotch roach is something very different.")
As for my medical situation, my doctor has agreed to check my progress on Monday morning and if my cervix is still closed and posterior we will begin a pitocin induction on Monday night - that is, if I'm up for it. Otherwise she'll let me hang in there a bit longer and wait for natural labor to begin. The baby isn't in any danger, in fact, it's thriving with a happy heart rate. That probably has something to do with the number of disgustingly fattening meals I keep eating... ice cream, onion rings, chicken fingers, chocolate milk. I'm even going to head out to world's most spicy Indian restaurant for lunch. But besides the healthy baby in me, I'm not doing so well with the stress of being pregnant. I just suck to be around and I'm pretty frustrated that I have 2 very important weddings to go to in July. Somehow those events have made me really impatient to meet the baby and I'm not really willing to be such a warrior and wait for the real contractions to come.
But we shall see... maybe I'll wake up on Monday and feel as if I can be patient for what the greater powers have in store for the new Webster's astrological chart - in which case you get to wait even longer for cute baby photos and a detailed labor story!
(I'm SO going to the mall for the air conditioning this afternoon.)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
So You Think You Can Dance
Does anybody watch this show on Wednesday and Thursday nights like I do? Oh my. It's 1,000 times better than American Idol, but with the same format. Crazy talented dancers compete for America's votes while we get to listen to an incredibly sassy and offensive panel of judges. So You Think You Can Dance. Amazing. And a new season of Top Chef immediately following at 10 pm. Ugh. I'm such a slave to my television at the end of the day. Other than that it's Netflix movies for the summer.
I recently rediscovered the actual newspaper - not just my TimesSelect Online subscription. But will they ever manufacture a newspaper that doesn't get ink all over your fingers? Maybe it's just because I have sweaty pregnant lady hands, or maybe it's because I have sunblock residue on my fingertips (I get the paper and a coffee right after I drop the girls off at camp for the morning... so I have to cover them in stinky SPF 45 before they go) but I actually get annoyed by my newspapery black inky hands. I'm sure it doesn't help my complexion either... because guess who's always touching her face and scratching her nose?
This is Myles' second to last night of call before the END of his surgical intern year. He's on again on Saturday, and then we party... and I stress out a little because I don't know if he's going to really go through with his Ortho research for the year. He has recently disclosed his interest in taking the summer off to study for Step 3 (med licensing exam) and then looking for moonlighting opportunities in and around here and Boston. His new direction is anesthesiology - which thrills me to no end - but I'm feeling really frustrated that he didn't approach this earlier. I'm not really in a good mental place to be supportive of random career choices, even if they are ultimately better for our family in the long run. I know Myles is frustrated with my negative response to his decision and I'm having a terrible time of being nice. I don't want to make the discussion all about me... but motherfucker! I'm due with a baby in 7 days and I'm dealing with the already irritating phenomenon of the disappearing pseudo contractions that never amount to anything. Even I hate me right now - so don't throw me any curveballs, right?
Why can't this just be smooth and easy? I'm so happy being in Providence and I'm not really prepared to make any big changes in the next 2 years as far as location is concerned, but this will have to happen once he figures out where to continue his residency. Maybe if I had some real sense of our family's future I'd finally relax and let the baby out. I mean, aren't you all waiting for some new adorable baby photos and to see what mysterious name Myles has picked out? And is it a boy or a girl? The suspense is killing me.
Off to eat some ice cream... then to restless sleep.
I recently rediscovered the actual newspaper - not just my TimesSelect Online subscription. But will they ever manufacture a newspaper that doesn't get ink all over your fingers? Maybe it's just because I have sweaty pregnant lady hands, or maybe it's because I have sunblock residue on my fingertips (I get the paper and a coffee right after I drop the girls off at camp for the morning... so I have to cover them in stinky SPF 45 before they go) but I actually get annoyed by my newspapery black inky hands. I'm sure it doesn't help my complexion either... because guess who's always touching her face and scratching her nose?
This is Myles' second to last night of call before the END of his surgical intern year. He's on again on Saturday, and then we party... and I stress out a little because I don't know if he's going to really go through with his Ortho research for the year. He has recently disclosed his interest in taking the summer off to study for Step 3 (med licensing exam) and then looking for moonlighting opportunities in and around here and Boston. His new direction is anesthesiology - which thrills me to no end - but I'm feeling really frustrated that he didn't approach this earlier. I'm not really in a good mental place to be supportive of random career choices, even if they are ultimately better for our family in the long run. I know Myles is frustrated with my negative response to his decision and I'm having a terrible time of being nice. I don't want to make the discussion all about me... but motherfucker! I'm due with a baby in 7 days and I'm dealing with the already irritating phenomenon of the disappearing pseudo contractions that never amount to anything. Even I hate me right now - so don't throw me any curveballs, right?
Why can't this just be smooth and easy? I'm so happy being in Providence and I'm not really prepared to make any big changes in the next 2 years as far as location is concerned, but this will have to happen once he figures out where to continue his residency. Maybe if I had some real sense of our family's future I'd finally relax and let the baby out. I mean, aren't you all waiting for some new adorable baby photos and to see what mysterious name Myles has picked out? And is it a boy or a girl? The suspense is killing me.
Off to eat some ice cream... then to restless sleep.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Waiting at the Finish Line
Myles ran in the Milton Road Race again this year, and I curiously forgot to take any pictures of his sweaty, healthy being sprinting towards the finish. Instead I grabbed this great shot of how helpful grandparents can be when you have kids who are tired of standing up.
After a visit to the doctor on Thursday it was determined that I am not actually dilated at all... which many loving kind women have told me means NOTHING as far as when you will really go into labor. I'm pretty sure I'm in for the long haul here, especially considering that I made it this far with twins and they still wouldn't come out even with the induction! Eleven more days until the due date...
I go from feeling extremely antsy and annoyed at being pregnant, to being completely content with whatever time frame this baby wants to work with. It's damn uncomfortable though when the weather gets this hot.
Here's what's yummy: gazpacho and ceviche. I suggest you go make some right now...
After a visit to the doctor on Thursday it was determined that I am not actually dilated at all... which many loving kind women have told me means NOTHING as far as when you will really go into labor. I'm pretty sure I'm in for the long haul here, especially considering that I made it this far with twins and they still wouldn't come out even with the induction! Eleven more days until the due date...
I go from feeling extremely antsy and annoyed at being pregnant, to being completely content with whatever time frame this baby wants to work with. It's damn uncomfortable though when the weather gets this hot.
Here's what's yummy: gazpacho and ceviche. I suggest you go make some right now...
Saturday, June 09, 2007
nothing new
I really wish I had something interesting to share with everybody - something monumental like a new family member, a fresh insight on parenting, even another cute photo would be nice... but I have NOTHING. Just a giant belly. I was looking at that picture of myself from last week and I know I'm even larger than that. Seven days and that many more nutrients packed into this little being inside of me. This very moment I'm restraining myself from eating an entire jar full of my mom's spiced almonds and the rest of a cinnamon bun. I have already consumed a bowl of oatmeal and an almond croissant. Oh this poor baby.
Last night I was fantasizing and longing for the sensation of sleeping on my stomach. I'd love to just roll from one side of the bed clear to the other side... roll roll roll. But for now the options are: right side or left side with a brief stopover on my back to register how uncomfortable that is. And I'd love to have a regular sized pee - a pee long enough to make me feel like my efforts to get to the bathroom were worthwhile. Wait, have I ever mentioned how difficult it is to pee in that fucking cup at my doctor's appointments? You try aiming piss in a tiny container when you can't see your vagina... let alone reach it!
Tomorrow we are hosting a bridal shower for my pal Lyllah at my mom's house. My mom and I have been cooking a bunch of labor-intensive asian foods while the girls play with all of my toys left over from the 80's. It's actually been kind of pleasant because Myles is on call and my dad is in Virginia racing cars. Just us ladies doing lady-ish things. My mom made the observation that our houses are remarkably cleaner and we get more things done when our husbands aren't around. No pubes on the bar of soap and no dishes in the sink!
Perhaps I'll post some photos of Ly's shower if I manage to remember to take pictures...
Last night I was fantasizing and longing for the sensation of sleeping on my stomach. I'd love to just roll from one side of the bed clear to the other side... roll roll roll. But for now the options are: right side or left side with a brief stopover on my back to register how uncomfortable that is. And I'd love to have a regular sized pee - a pee long enough to make me feel like my efforts to get to the bathroom were worthwhile. Wait, have I ever mentioned how difficult it is to pee in that fucking cup at my doctor's appointments? You try aiming piss in a tiny container when you can't see your vagina... let alone reach it!
Tomorrow we are hosting a bridal shower for my pal Lyllah at my mom's house. My mom and I have been cooking a bunch of labor-intensive asian foods while the girls play with all of my toys left over from the 80's. It's actually been kind of pleasant because Myles is on call and my dad is in Virginia racing cars. Just us ladies doing lady-ish things. My mom made the observation that our houses are remarkably cleaner and we get more things done when our husbands aren't around. No pubes on the bar of soap and no dishes in the sink!
Perhaps I'll post some photos of Ly's shower if I manage to remember to take pictures...
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Stealing Glasses - Again!
Last weekend we headed out to Nantucket in order to kick off Myles' vacation week and I got a chance to capture my girls in full silliness while they romped around the yard with the sprinkler. I HIGHLY recommend heading to my flickr photos to see just how funny this series of photos turned out. Ruby looks tremendous in my Marc by Marc sunglasses, and Eloise is a picture of intellectual cuteness in my mom's purple wire-rims. In fact, if they ever had to wear glasses I'd choose this wire-rim look for them in a second.
Both girls begin "camp" for the month of June on Monday. 4 hours a day, 5 days a week! What the hell am I going to do with myself? I can't possibly keep up with this organizational garbage - or my home will be devoid of all characteristic mess and clutter!
I can't believe how grown up Ruby and Eloise have gotten in recent weeks. It's wildly disconcerting - because it's like I'm hanging out with someone else's children. They tell me all sorts of amazing facts, they catch me on various "fibs" that I might be utilizing (i.e., "mommy, you said there wasn't any bread left for french toast but I see a whole loaf in the corner over there...", they remind me what I need to buy at CVS ("Don't forget the toothpaste. We need new toothpaste."), they comfort one another and have amazing empathetic "twin" moments, and they managed to have their blood drawn without crying. (I was dreading the 3 year old lead screening because of Providence's ancient lead pipes...). Oh, and I'm going to jinx myself tonight by saying this, but they haven't peed in their beds in weeks! They wake up to tell me they need to go to the bathroom... I never EVER could picture what it would look like to have completely potty trained children, but VOILA! What a luxury.
Both girls begin "camp" for the month of June on Monday. 4 hours a day, 5 days a week! What the hell am I going to do with myself? I can't possibly keep up with this organizational garbage - or my home will be devoid of all characteristic mess and clutter!
I can't believe how grown up Ruby and Eloise have gotten in recent weeks. It's wildly disconcerting - because it's like I'm hanging out with someone else's children. They tell me all sorts of amazing facts, they catch me on various "fibs" that I might be utilizing (i.e., "mommy, you said there wasn't any bread left for french toast but I see a whole loaf in the corner over there...", they remind me what I need to buy at CVS ("Don't forget the toothpaste. We need new toothpaste."), they comfort one another and have amazing empathetic "twin" moments, and they managed to have their blood drawn without crying. (I was dreading the 3 year old lead screening because of Providence's ancient lead pipes...). Oh, and I'm going to jinx myself tonight by saying this, but they haven't peed in their beds in weeks! They wake up to tell me they need to go to the bathroom... I never EVER could picture what it would look like to have completely potty trained children, but VOILA! What a luxury.
Mamma Bird
My sweaters. My neatly folded, color-coded, hand-washed, sun-dried wool sweaters. Now they lie packed in an anally prepared "under bed bag" with a cedar insert. I've offically lost my mind for all things that can be ORGANIZED. If you could bottle the hormone that makes pregnant ladies feel this incredible urge to "NEST" (ugh. I said it. "Nesting" is one of those maternity terms that I can't stand.) then I think you could prescribe it to all the college students that can't figure out how to finish a project or clean their dorm rooms. What I wouldn't have done to feel this motivated when I was 19!
The nesting instinct aside, I thought it was pretty hysterical to see the cohesive tonality in my sweater collection. Although I have about 25 more to wash, I can assure you they look almost exactly the same in color selection. Discovering that I really do have a stylistic preference when it comes to color shouldn't be a surprise to me, but seeing it all laid out nice and neat gives it more impact.
Which reminds me, I only have about 3 tank tops and 2 skirts that I can fit my large self into - and it's getting disgusting. Hopefully I won't add too many more grease stains to those cherished items in the next 4 weeks and passers by won't have to wonder about that poor poor overly pregnant and slobby lady with twins.
The nesting instinct aside, I thought it was pretty hysterical to see the cohesive tonality in my sweater collection. Although I have about 25 more to wash, I can assure you they look almost exactly the same in color selection. Discovering that I really do have a stylistic preference when it comes to color shouldn't be a surprise to me, but seeing it all laid out nice and neat gives it more impact.
Which reminds me, I only have about 3 tank tops and 2 skirts that I can fit my large self into - and it's getting disgusting. Hopefully I won't add too many more grease stains to those cherished items in the next 4 weeks and passers by won't have to wonder about that poor poor overly pregnant and slobby lady with twins.
Phat Mamma: 36 Weeks...
This might be the only pregnant Mollie shot that I offer up to my viewers. I should thank my mommy friend Jennifer for capturing the dramatic profile... with cookie nugget in hand, poised and ready to stuff it in my face. Note the box full of extra cookies from Dunkin' Fucknuts on the table behind me. (They are surprisingly tasty cookies. Seriously.)
The real reason I'm posting this to you folks: I'm miserable and uncomfortable! The Pickle has dropped lower since this photo was taken and I'm feeling it tearing my pubic bones apart. I have all sorts of funny Braxton-Hicks contractions that I never experienced with Ru and El and I can practically get my fingers around various baby body parts when I feel my belly because my uterus is stretched so thin. Sometimes I think I can even see the baby through my paper-like skin. I have no "pelvic floor" muscles left, but I still do my best to walk like a normal person. Poor Pickle's head will most likely emerge in a dramatic cone shape... especially if I manage to have the elusive VBAC.
Oh the VBAC... will you all send your collective vibes to my uterus and tell it to do the things it's supposed to this time? I'm pretty convinced everything will go as planned and I'll be able to deliver naturally, but a little loving energy from you all might help in the long run. That and a few more cookies and milkshakes.
The real reason I'm posting this to you folks: I'm miserable and uncomfortable! The Pickle has dropped lower since this photo was taken and I'm feeling it tearing my pubic bones apart. I have all sorts of funny Braxton-Hicks contractions that I never experienced with Ru and El and I can practically get my fingers around various baby body parts when I feel my belly because my uterus is stretched so thin. Sometimes I think I can even see the baby through my paper-like skin. I have no "pelvic floor" muscles left, but I still do my best to walk like a normal person. Poor Pickle's head will most likely emerge in a dramatic cone shape... especially if I manage to have the elusive VBAC.
Oh the VBAC... will you all send your collective vibes to my uterus and tell it to do the things it's supposed to this time? I'm pretty convinced everything will go as planned and I'll be able to deliver naturally, but a little loving energy from you all might help in the long run. That and a few more cookies and milkshakes.
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